Caiman therapy.  Maybe they can teach this at massage school and thin out the ranks of massage practitioners a bit.  Do we really need that many massage practitioners?

"I would make it impossible for the covetous and avaricious to utterly impoverish the poor. The rich can take care of themselves."
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I just gotta throw the Nutria a bone...

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(Your font mileage may vary)

yum.
how about the Giant Hogweed as a side dish?

If there are caiman in the lake I will meet them, but I need to be sure both of us are rested and ready for it. Now there is only one kind of caiman I am really interested in meeting, a girl caiman. I would prefer to meet one like me, a mama caiman. I need to study more about caimans first though. I need to make sure I do not intrude upon the caiman or represent a safety threat. I want only caiman that come to me. I also need to learn about defending myself against stupid boy caimans before I step foot in that lake cleaning up trash. I know how to make myself too much trouble for a couger or bear, but frankly I have avoided caiman and water predators most of my life. All I know how to do is stay away haha.

How do you defend yourself against caiman, I mean stand them down if they get aggressive so they don't masticate upon you? I think I might need to practise wrestling moves. I have someone at home I can practise on. I need to work on whipping around and be a whole heck of a lot of trouble in shallow water with a larger species. The only problem here is I have no water in my livingroom. My caiman fighting practise partner might have to join me in the wading pool or bathtub. And I have to be careful not to hurt him, because he is not a caiman and he whines a lot if injured. Caiman fighting is an interesting art. You can't bite, scratch, kick or gouge them very effectively. I certainly wouldn't want to injure a caiman, just encourage it not to masticate upon me. Perhaps I should smear something that caimans hate upon all my exposed flesh. I don't know how to tell a boy caiman from a girl caiman. Males are more aggressive, but females protecting are the most fearsome of all. I don't think caiman have weiners. It might have to be behavioral observation. ^@^

I was given the sign of the caiman this afternoon, and I too can testify that witnessing this arcane yet oh so modern sign has a rejuvenating force.

May the force of the caiman be with you.
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Ah, but the Nutria are breeding...FAST!

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Caimans exposed to endocrine disrupters (ED)s actually experience gonadal alternations and reversals, which alert us to destructive changes in ecosystem health! We need to get someone looking at the effects of Capital Lake on caiman gonads. And Eds are caused by precisely the kind of trash I found at the edge of the lake and caught in the roots and grass. Leaving it in the water is a health risk for humans and wildlife. I will bookmark the PubMed research on the topic for interested studiers of gonads. Small gonads equals big ecosystem problem. Large gonads equals big mean caiman.

As to the sex, it is difficult to determine unless the caiman is fairly large. You have to turn them over to look, then insert a finger in a vent in the underbelly, and out will pop a penis if the crocodile has one. If it is a female, it has a clitoris, much smaller, no cartilege. Crocodiles consider this investigation demeaning though, so it is recommended that two people do it, one to restrain the caiman and one to stick a finger in.

Caiman released to the wild are dangerous if they survive, to unsuspecting people and to pets and animals. They can get large but they probably won thrive. These caiman most likely have reduced fertility, small penises and less aggression because their estrogen is heightened. The threat is an animal control issue to address. I plan to bring my farmer girl rake to clean up the trash. Meta kindly offered to spot and not drop me so I don't wade in the water and don't cut myself. She has some glove kits. Meta is strong and young and I am lithe and small. I fit in compact places with minimal damage to plants and I climb as well as hike. If we meet caiman, it is really an animal control issue. We just plan to protect ourselves in case, by staying out of the water. No caiman wrestling haha.

We need to consider that this trash is damaging our ecosystem and find a way to regularly clean it up though. It is also likely attracting nutria since they are swamp rats. And no Meta and I are not rolling caiman to do weiner checks.

How do you expect us to understand all that esoteric jargon?  Give it to me in Caiman's terms.

I am difficult to understand when I speak in my native language of six syllable words haha. It comes from blogging and not editing what I write. I am never tasted life outside books and high desert and academia until I was almost grown. I used to research as part of my living too. My fiction voice is much easier to understand.

I am turning your comment into a challenge. You will get your Caiman terms in a story about the lake. I am late for a major writing assignment that I am supposed to publish. I will publish here! A little adventure using everything I've learned about caimans, nutria, the lake, and ecology. It will be fiction but fun. Expect it soon but give me a few days. I plan to work on this full time until I get done but I have to take today and tomorrow off, well largely off. I should get a half day in tomorrow.

Thanks for the idea! You made a plot pop into my mind and I am using others to finish the research. We are fantasizing about our new neighbors. I'll just do my fantasies in story form and see how real I can make it.

Crusty Christie