I've discovered I really like that new song, "Had a bad day" I even bought it on itunes. Not my song style for the most part but I have had the weirdest month now that I'm not exactly sure what to do with myself.

Have you ever had one of those days...or months...where no matter what you did everything just seemed like it wasn't cruising right? Like you knew something was wrong with your car but couldn't put your finger on it, but knew you had to make it to spokane regardless? I can handle feeling like that about my car because it's normally something I can control, and fix easily. I hate feeling that way about myself because my ability to self diagnose is poor, my ability to self fix is even worse. For the most part I tend to supress and/or ignore it. Put a smile on my face and pretend like it's not important enough to affect me. For smaller things this works great, because forcing myself to be happy usually makes me pretty happy in the end and facing my problems becomes easier.

 It finally hit the fan last night when I broke up with my girlfriend. It had already been a bad f'ing day but I found myself a little relieved after breaking up. I started realizing almost a month ago that I was feeling suffocated ( sp? ) and couldn't figure out why. I don't feel like I should be blaming this all on her but my sense of relief afterward seems huge. Of course saying that makes me feel like an even bigger ass than I already feel.

 I always forget how bad it feels to tell someone that you aren't sure you should be together any longer. Even thinking about it right now makes me feel just icky inside.

 Anyway, I just needed to vent and read what I was actually thinking because I don't always fully express myself when I talk to myself out loud ( I feel a little crazy doing it ) thanks for listening ( if you are reading ) and don't think of me as too crazy.