The following is an attempt to give myself a memory enema from the hours of TV junk I absorbed as a child in the late 50s-1960s.

OK, back in the 1960s and maybe into the 1970s there was this TV ad for Imperial Margarine that went like this: Some common schmoe would eat a piece of toast that had Imperial Margarine on it, and suddenly, in a bad stop-action piece of cutting room ineptitude, an oversize crown would jarringly appear on the cranium of the consumer. "Imperial Margarine, fit for a king!" the announcer would state in triump while a little trumpet heralded the event in a regal jingle.

So, several questions come up. Did this happen with every bite? Was it possible to have multiple crowns on your head as a result of eating one piece of toast in several bites? Did the crown have a shelf life? Did it dissolve after a short time? Since matter cannot be destroyed, where did it draw the physical substance from? And if it dissolved, where did it go? And if those crowns are still around, shouldn't we be drowning in them by now?

Also, since our nation was based on a revolution against the nonsense of having a monarch, doesn't it seem strange that being like royalty should have any kind of appeal? Oooooo, you're a king! Get in line like everyone else, pal. That's what a real American would say.

Well, as it turns out, Imperial Margarine is actually a Canadian product, which explains a lot about the deferential attitude toward the monarchy. Don't get me wrong. I love Canada. Clean, color paper currency, a sane health care policy, SCTV, Kids in the Hall, an entire province that speaks a form of French and has crazy fashion and architecture. But let's face it, they never really kicked the ass of the English royalty like we did in order to gain their independence. We are not so polite. In my way of thinking, eating Imperial Margarine and gaining a crown is like some form of royalist brainwashing. The whole ad campaign was sort of elitist. Shame on you, Canada! We have our own problems with economic class warfare without you butting in!

More detail:

http://www.tvparty.com/vaultcom2.html