Fight: See Push! Grab! Bash Hit Rip Shred Smash Crash Fight

Fill!: See Crank! Crank! Fill! Crank! Crank! Fill!

Fizz!: See Pop! Fizz!

Flap! Flap! Flapflapflapflflapflapflapflapfla: A being with two antennas sticking out of his cranium takes two halves of a broken heart (shaped like a traditional valentine), places them where his ears should be, and they transform into little wings, enabling him to happily fly. (Face-No-Face and the Dog (1986))

Flapflapflapflflapflapflapflapfla: See Flap! Flap! Flapflapflapflflapflapflapflapfla

Flick!:
(1) A Morty Dog strikes a match with his thumb as he prepares to light a cigar. (Comix Wave 14 (1983))
(2) Arnie Wormwood, P.I., lights his cigarette with a lighter as he hears his answering service quote the last words of a client, "Arrgh! Gak! Click!" Arnie's narrative explains the rest, "I knew it was bad news. 'Yiiii!!' or 'Yow!' indicates shock or surprise, but nothing serious. 'Aggh!' or 'Yaargh!' is bad, but not fatal. But 'Aargh! Gak! Click!,' that's trouble, and plenty of it!" (Cranium Frenzy 2 (1982))

Flik!:
(1) A middle-aged denizen of an obscure tavern empties his cigarette ashes into an ashtray at the bar. According to current Washington State law, this is now illegal. (One Way Flight to Anywhere But Here (1977))
(2) Prince Morty: What have you, my good friends, deserved at the hands of fortune, that she sends you to prison hither?
Goldenass: Prison, my Lord?
Prince Morty: Denmark's a prison [blows smoke rings as he exhales a cigarette]
Roseyhead: Then is the world one.
Prince Morty: A goodly one, in which there are many confines, wards, and dungeons, Denmark being one of the worst.
Goldenass: We think not so my Lord.
Prince Morty: [exhales smoke in Goldenasses face] Why then 'tis none to you; For there is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so-- To me it is a prison [FLIKs cigarette away]
(Tragedy of Morty, Prince of Denmarke 2 (1984))

Flip!: A little round hatch opens up on the top of the ancient poet Homer's bald head, and a cigar-smoking circus clown emerges from within the cranium of the great man and declares, "Da mind woiks in mysterious ways." (Mythic Residue (1978))

Flip! Crash! Bonk!: Orville Blatt, a retired math teacher, accidentally swings a bowling ball the wrong way (Flip!) in a 7th floor bowling alley. The ball Crashes out of a window, landing on the head (Bonk!) of Amos Grumbly. The impact turned Amos into a world genius, but also made a dish-like indentation which, when filled with water, served as a very nice birdbath. (Dogtown Zoo (1982))

Flop! Thud! Thunk! Crack! Arrr! Garrr! Yarr! Arrrr! Yarrrg! Skreee Arrrr! Grrr! Yaarrr! Pfffftt! Slam! Whap Whap Whap Whap: A Morty Dog is chased by a giant computer globe, and Morty falls over a bump (Flop!). The globe hits the bump as well at a high speed (Thud), and lands hard (Thunk!), cracking open (Crack). Out of the cracked globe emerge some real mean and nasty little floating heads (Arrr! etc.) who chase Morty. The mutt sees a little door coming out of the ground and stops (Skreee), and as the floating heads close in (Arrrr! etc.), Morty taunts them (Pfffftt!). Just when the heads are about to get Morty he slams the door (Slam) being safely inside, leaving the heads to bounce off the outside surface (Whap, etc.) (Dogtown Zoo (1982))

Floshoomm: See Krr Flush! Gurgle Gurgle Gurgle Floshoomm

Flush!: See Krr Flush! Gurgle Gurgle Gurgle Floshoomm

Flush Gurgle: The entire human race, except for a guy named Homer, race into a toilet that contains the fabled Fountain of Youth and they all get to a microscopic stage of youth. Then Death shows up and presses down on the "flush" lever (Flush Gurgle). So Homer, as the only human left, is doomed to spend eternity playing "Go Fish" with Death. (Dogtown Zoo (1982))

Fold: See Pull! Fold Rip Rip Rip Rip Rip Rip Rip Spindle Shred Mutilate! Shred! Tear! Rip! Mangle

Foof! Foof!: "Safely stowed," declares Prince Morty as he claps his hands as a gesture of finishing his hard task of hiding the corpse of Phelonious. Later he reveals the hiding place, "But if indeed you find him not within this month, you shall nose him as you go up the stairs into the lobby ... he will stay till you come." (Tragedy of Morty, Prince of Denmarke 4 (1984))

Foom: See Poof Foom Poof

Foop!: See Poink! Poink! Foop!

Foosh!: See Pop Whoosh! Swoosh! Foosh! Sssssssss Fooossssssshhh

Fooosh!: As Bob Richartolovskii runs full speed toward a Morty Dog tied vertically to a stake with the intent of ramming the mutt with his head, an inflatable clown suddenly fooshes out from a hole in the top of Bob's cranium. (Dog of Dawn, Dog of Dusk (1985))

Fooossssssshhh: See Pop Whoosh! Swoosh! Foosh! Sssssssss Fooossssssshhh

Frrr!: See Frrrr! Frrrr! Frrr! Shoop! Slam!

Frrrr! Frrrr! Frrr! Shoop! Slam!: The sound of a refrigerator stalking, capturing, and shutting the door on a terrified Morty Dog. (Natural Functions (1986))

Fry!: A Morty Dog uses his Death-Ray vision to fry a box of comic books while yelling, "Death to the comic book corporate capitalists!!!!" (Ultra Klutz 25 (1988))
See also: Sizzle! Fry!

Fweee!: A noisemaker at a New Year's party, the kind that unfurls when it is blown into. (Cranium Frenzy 2 (1982))

Fyoop! Fyoop! Fyoop!: Sounds from a photocopier as it ejects paper. In this case the paper consists of the characters in the story. (End of the Earth and Turn left (1985)