12 mini-reviews for the short attention span, taken from dark corners of stevenl's video vault:

AARP Presents the 2000 Presidential Race Video Voters' Guide (2000, VHS). The CIA could learn a thing or two from AARP. Maybe we wouldn't be in the Iraq mess today if AARP had handled the "WMD" intelligence. How AARP manages to track us down when we hit age 50 mystifies me. In my mind, you shouldn't be allowed to join anyway until you are a true senior citizen, age 65. No, I am not a senior citizen-- yet, wise guy. I'll have you know I acquired this cassette as a result of cleaning out stuff at the family home after my Father died. This video covers four topics: Social Security, Medicare, long term care, and managed care. Each topic is introduced by a little drama of senior citizen actors portraying a mealtime discussion on the topic at hand. These are the kind of actors you see on local TV advertising, not polished, obviously reciting a script, and charming to watch. Then AARP honcho Horace Deets presents the issue in AARP-talk, and finally we get to see Vice President Gore and Gov. Bush present their views. First, let me say I did not vote for either one of these clowns in 2000 (I was rooting for Bradley and McCain in the primaries). That being said, I was struck by how Bush came across as the same tongue-tied oaf that we know today. Although he looked much younger, he still had that constipated expression and whiney delivery that we have grown weary of. I can't believe he was elected. Oh. I forgot. He wasn't. Gore was also comical to watch. The talk down goody goody who measured his words like steps through a minefield. What struck me the most about Big Al was how much he has relaxed since 2000. In terms of living a happier life, Gore turned out to be the true winner of the 2000 election. It was a jolt to hear the AARP people talk about the budget surplus, reminding me how quickly Bush and his drunken sailor Party regulars spent our tax dollars into deficitland. It would be an interesting exercise to compare the Bush promises in this video to the reality since 2001.

The Birdcage / directed by Mike Nichols (1996, VHS). Robin Williams, Nathan Lane, Gene Hackman, Dianne Wiest, Calista Flockhart, Hank Azaria. My picks for this "Cheaper By The Dozen" list are strictly random, so it strikes me funny that this movie, of all movies, follows my reference in the previous review mentioning the Republicans. I was going to use the G.O.P. = Gay Old Party joke, but that would be too obvious. The plot hinges around the comical attempt of a gay couple to pass themselves off as straight to a homophobic, career-first, far-right Republican U.S. Senator (Hackman), who is a potential in-law. Nichols has a great eye for visual composition and color and I can watch this movie over and over just for the enjoyment of how the shots were set up. The "I just never realized John Wayne walked like that" straight-practice scene is one of my favorites. Williams appears to be a bit miscast, which might explain why the couple in the original French version, La Cage Aux Folles (1978) seem to have more chemistry. Hank Azaria singing "She Works Hard the Money" is my favorite bit of music. This film was Hollywood's answer to the Republican "revolution" of 1994. The number of "family values" politicians who have been caught in sex scandals, gay or otherwise, since 1996 keeps this film topical.

Cosi / directed by Mark Joffe (1996, VHS). Ben Mendelsohn, Barry Otto, Toni Collette, Rachel Griffiths. Uncredited cameo by Paul Mercurio. A rookie directs a group of mental patients in a production of Mozart's Cosi Fan Tutte. There are subplots of infidelity and "who is really sane anyway?" This is like a few other offbeat Australian films (Welcome to Woop Woop, Strictly Ballroom) where the central character is a bland prettyboy overshadowed by the colorful cast of supporting characters. This film really belongs to Barry Otto, playing the role of a manic visionary mental patient who originated and pushed the whole idea of performing Cosi. I'm not trying to be obnoxiously politically incorrect here when I use the word "half-baked" to describe the overall feeling of the story, but that is really the impression I have. Almost as if they decided to go ahead and produce this movie even though the script wasn't complete. Still, it is fun. Includes pyromania, a bad toupée, a Collette solo song, and a very nice "goodbye" scene.

"The Builders" (Fawlty Towers) / directed by John Howard Davies (1975, VHS). John Cleese, Prunella Scales, Connie Booth, Andrew Sachs, David Kelly. Fawlty Towers, was, quite simply, the best sitcom of the 20th century. Very rewatchable and always funny. They only made a dozen of them. This one is the second episode. Hotel owner Basil Fawlty, a man surviving at the end of his mental rope, attempts to save a few English pounds by having a cheap contractor change the lobby area. But, Basil gets what he pays for. When his wife Sybil discovers that Basil has changed contractors behind her back the fur flies. The dialogue has no fat and not a minute is wasted. David Kelly (later in Waking Ned Devine) is entertaining as O'Reilly the contractor. Sybil, as she hits O'Reilly with an umbrella: "O'Reilly, I have seen more intelligent creatures than you lying on their backs at the bottoms of ponds. I have seen better organized creatures than you running round farmyards with their heads cut off. Now collect your things and get out!! I never want to see you or any of your men in my hotel again."

The Harder They Fall / directed by Mark Robson (1956, VHS). Humphrey Bogart, Rod Steiger, Jan Sterling. This movie makes me think of the Three Stooges' leader Moe Howard. I'll get to that. Bogart plays an unemployed and once respected sports columnist who gets hired by the sleazy Steiger as a publicity man promoting a fighter who wins fixed boxing matches. Bogart's character is named Eddie Willis. Pretty neat, eh? The film has that gritty black and white hardboiled 1950s exposé visual that gives it an almost documentary look. Steiger, the method actor, and Bogart, the classic, throw sparks as you detect their personal dislike was not limited to the characters they played. The was Bogie's final film, and he reportedly did not wear make up, a decision that really worked for the role. Oddly, Bogart wears a bowtie through the whole film. Actually, I have a family photo taken in the old Jeffers Studio in Olympia from 1960 right here where my Dad and I are both wearing little clip-on bowties. What was the deal with that anyway? Something has changed since those days. Today a man with a bowtie is suspect. I don't know what for, but they are suspect. They also tend to drive those little Cooper boxes. This film is sort of a time jolt for me. I'm used to associating Bogart with the 1930s-1940s. Seeing him in a world with cars and fashions that are within my memory seems out of place. Indeed, in the story, and in real life, Bogart was out of place by 1956. The story is based on a novel by Budd Schulberg, who (brush with fame) was a friend of an Los Angeles attorney I once knew. After this attorney died he was buried very close to Moe Howard. And there you have it.

Kansas City / directed by Robert Altman (1996, VHS). Jennifer Jason Leigh, Harry Belafonte, Miranda Richardson, Dermot Mulroney, Steve Buscemi. Set in Kansas City, 1934, the Pendergast-controlled city of Altman's youth (In case you think I'm picking too much on the Republicans in these reviews, let me say the Democrats in this movie are nothing more than mobsters). A small time hood robs a prize patron of a gambling joint/jazz club run by a crime boss named Seldom Seen (Belafonte) and is caught and held. Meanwhile, the hood's moll kidnaps the wife of a prominent Democrat in an effort to force an exchange of hostages. There are too many subplots in here involving political power and corruption, love, and race, and too many actors for decent character development-- although I don't think Altman was too concerned about the latter category. His movies tend to present us with group snapshots. Belafonte is great singer, but the film was not able to convince me that he was really the ruthless tough guy he was supposed to play. The screen lit up whenever Steve Buscemi made his all too brief appearances, and this story could've used more of his presence. But, put the story and personalities aside and enjoy the generous helpings of great music as Altman has a unique way of weaving it into the movie, along with the visual look of the world he is presenting. The man knows his lighting. The ending left me feeling depressed, but I'm glad I watched it. I bought it at Grocery Outlet for less than 3 bucks, so I can't complain.

Amadeus / directed by Milos Forman (1984, VHS). F. Murray Abraham, Tom Hulce, Elizabeth Berridge, Jeffrey Jones, Vincent Schiavelli. How fitting this one is on the same review list as Cosi. The story of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart is told through flashbacks by his mentally-institutionalized rival, Antonio Salieri. Beautiful visuals, wonderful acting, a well told story, and the music, the music! When this film was first released, I recall the Guild 45th movie house advertising it as, "Amadeus-- A Wild and Crazy Guy!" which is about right. Don't let the fact this movie is historically inaccurate get in the way of enjoying it. I understand Hulce is now one of us Washingtonians, quoted in the IMDB as saying, "Up in Seattle people look after their lives in a way you can't do in New York or Los Angeles." Brush with fame: back in the early 1980s, my brother was present in the same room with Hulce when he learned he gained the title role of this movie. I'm available for autograph signing.

At the Circus / directed by Edward Buzzell (1939, VHS). Groucho, Chico, Harpo Marx, Kenny Baker, Florence Rice, Eve Arden, Margaret Dumont. The young heir to great fortune forsakes his economic class and attempts to keep a failing circus alive. The highlight of this film is Groucho singing "Lydia the Tattooed Lady" (written by Arlen and Harburg, which involves yet another brush with fame for me, but this is getting embarrassing, so I'll pass). I love Groucho, Chico is OK, but I find Harpo really annoying. Part of the appeal of the Marx Brothers was their anarchy, fast pace, and expert use of puns. But their films always suffered from two handicaps. First, they included a romantic subplot involving uninteresting characters. Second, Harpo's maudlin performances on the harp always gave me the creeps. Curly Howard could probably beat the crap out of this guy. Perhaps through digital magic we can do that now.

Mark Russell's '94 / directed by Robert Lower (1994, VHS on-air). Mark Russell was kind of a mainstream and safer version of Tom Lehrer. A musical political comedian who appealed to people of an older generation. In fact, this tape was from my parent's estate, and when I say "older generation" to you Olybloggers, you know I mean really old since I am easily the same age or older than most of your parents. In this tape, Russell recaps the big stories of 1994, including jokes about Tonya Harding, Nelson Mandela, North Korea's nuclear capability, Boris Yeltsin, Nixon's funeral, Cuban refugees, Princess Di, Pope John Paul, the Religious Right, Newt Gingrich, Sonny Bono, and Oliver North's run for the U.S. Senate (I had forgotten about that last one). He has musical numbers devoted to Lorena Bobbitt, a prophetic tune about Clinton's bimbo problem, Ames spy scandal, Vietnam as a tourist destination, Summer of 1994, New York State politics (including Rudy) and the O.J. trial. In keeping with the general theme of this review list, Mark Russell wears a bowtie as part of his persona, but in his case it works. His best line, which ties into the first review here, is about the Republican health care plan: "Just say no-- to illness!"

"Salad Days" (Monty Python's Flying Circus ; v. 16, episode 33) / directed by Ian MacNaughton (1972, VHS). Graham Chapman, John Cleese, Terry Gilliam, Eric Idle, Terry Jones, Michael Palin. Storage jars. Rogue cheddar.

The People Under the Stairs / directed by Wes Craven (1991, VHS on-air). Brandon Adams, Everett McGill, Wendy Robie, Ving Rhames. I have never made it through this movie. A boy breaks into a home and discovers he has entered a private Hell constructed by a very twisted couple. This isn't my imagination, the weapon-loving two-faced villains are made to look and talk very much like Ron and Nancy Reagan. But like I said, I have never survived an entire showing of this story. I guess having survived two terms of the original Reagan movie-- well, that wore me out and put me off any remakes.

"Camille" (Red Dwarf ; IV, byte 1) / directed by Ed Bye (1991, VHS). Chris Barrie, Craig Charles, Danny John-Jules, Robert Llewellen. "Oh, spin my nipple nuts and send me to Alaska." Red Dwarf is the sort of cult program that won't make any sense unless you have seen the very first episode, then all will fall into place. Without getting into the background of the series, the story is this: A space crash survivor named Camille is taken aboard Red Dwarf. All four crew members perceive a different Camille (Camille=chameleon, get it?), each perception being what they want to see. Makes me think of the comments on the recent Port protest, actually-- except the difference here is that characters woke up to fact they were operating under a delusion. There is a Casablanca-referenced subplot demonstrating how it can be noble to lie. This episode is mainly focused on Robert Llewellen's always enjoyable performance as Kryten, the android, and his efforts to become like a human. The laugh track detracts from the writing.