12 mini-reviews for the short attention span, taken from dark corners of stevenl's video vault:

"Gunmen of the Apocalypse" (Red Dwarf ; VI, byte 1) / directed by Andy DeEmmony (1993, VHS). Chris Barrie, Craig Charles, Danny John-Jules, Robert Llewellen, Jennifer Calvert, Dennis Lill, Elizabeth Hickling, Jeremy Peters, Dinny Powell, Stephen Marcus. If you enjoy classic Western movies like I do, then you should get a kick out of this one. Watching Chris Barrie slip occasionally into an American Western accent is pretty amazing. One problem with this series is this-- the concepts are so out there and convoluted that attempting to summarize any plot is almost too much. Basically, the Dwarfers enter Kryten's dream via a computer game in order to fight a virus that is disabling the ship at it heads for a certain crash landing. The game is set in the Old West and is entitled "Streets of Laredo." Hmm. It was also in 1993, the same year this was produced, that Larry McMurty's novel The Streets of Laredo, a disappointing sequel to the very excellent Lonesome Dove, was published. Interesting. I prefer this Red Dwarf tale to McMurtry's book of the same title. At any rate, Lister, Rimmer and The Cat find Kryten in the role of a drunken town marshal. As they feed him dry coffee grounds to sober him up he is asked if he knows who he is. In response, Kryten offers about as concise a description of the plot as possible: "I'm some kind of robot who's fighting this virus and none of this exists, it's all in a fever-- except for you guys who really do exist only you're not really here you're really on some spaceship in the future. Hell, if that's gotta make sense I don't want to be sober!" Dennis Lill plays it straight and is effective as a bad guy. The soundtrack in this episode is exceptionally good, being a sophisticated blending of traditional Western film music with the strains of the Red Dwarf theme song.

SCTV (1976-1984?, VHS off-air). Joe Flaherty, Eugene Levy, Andrea Martin, Dave Thomas, Catherine O'Hara, John Candy, Rick Moranis, Robin Duke, Tony Rosato, Martin Short, Talking Heads, the Plastics. There's justice for everybody, Half wits, Towering inferno, Shirt glue, Happy Wanderers, Carl's cuts, Guy Caballero editorial, Indira musical featuring Slim Whitman, My bloody hand, Money talks with Brian Johns, Midnight video special, Billy the Kid starring Ed Grimley, Happy Wanderers salute John Williams, Days of the week, Logos galore, Monster Chiller Horror Theatre, "Funny Stuff" produced-directed-acted by Bobby Bittman, Cooking with Marcello (he barks at a chicken just like Curly Howard!), Hawaii five-Ho, Hollywood salutes its extras, Live or mamorex, Great White North (topic: exercise), Howard's Bristol Cream, Siskel and Ebert. You can really tell Flaherty was a fellow avid fan of Mad Magazine in the 1960s. Robin Duke deserved more airtime. Somewhere in the middle of this for about 15 minutes someone taped a bad Japanese cartoon on a network we couldn't get. You can barely make out the pale images in the white pixel blizzard and can only hear the highest pitches in audio.

SCTV (1976-1984?, VHS off-air). Joe Flaherty, Eugene Levy, Andrea Martin, Dave Thomas, John Candy, Rick Moranis, Robin Duke, Tony Rosato, Levon Helm. Roto-Rooster, Play it again Bob, Trial of Oscar Wilde, Eskimo arts, Earl Camembert in St. Lucia, 5 Neat Guys, One on the town, Yuri-- getting to know you, You! with Libby Wolfson, Slappy 2000, G. Gordon Liddy in Will: the movie, Wide world of high voices, Greek travel with Alki Stereopolis, SCTV news with Floyd and Earl, Mel's Rockpile with special guest Richard Harris, Veronica Swansong, Ronny Barrett's sports, Taxi driver starring Gregory Peck, Big money making idea, Urgent message from Guy Cabellero, Sammy Maudlin, Bob Hope in China. "Play it Again, Bob" is a takeoff on the "Play it Again, Sam" Woody Allen movie, with Moranis as Allen, Thomas as Bob Hope, and Flaherty as Bing Crosby. One of the best bits ever in SCTV. Thomas always seemed to do his best work with either Moranis or Catherine O'Hara-- when left alone he would sometimes slip into embarrassing ethnic roles that don't really survive the test of time (he says he was inspired by Peter Sellers). I didn't start watching SCTV until their last couple seasons in the early 1980s, and it is hard to convey today just how wonderfully weird they were at that time. The rest of the comedy world has sort caught up to them, but a quarter century ago they were out there on their own, made even stranger by the marginal time slots they were assigned. Once I had discovered them, I felt like I was being let into some fun secret. This was a show made for Boomers. The rest of you might need annotated notes to get many of the obscure references, little details that can only be understood as the result of spending countless hours wasting our lives in front of a TV screen in the 1950s-1960s. SCTV was our therapy, helping us purge all that toxic garbage from our systems.

"The Norwood Builder" (The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes) / directed by Ken Grieve (1985, VHS off-air). Jeremy Brett, David Burke, Rosalie Crutchley, Colin Jeavons, Helen Ryan, Jonathan Adams, Matthew Solon. What can you say about an episode where a new client introduces himself to Holmes with this remark, "I am nearly out of my mind. I am the unhappy John Hector McFarlane." Jeremy Brett is in top and tight form with his unique brand of wonderful and studied ham in one of his earlier appearances as Holmes. The tale affords Holmes the opportunity to don a disguise, which always brings out the extra bacon in Brett's strutting across the stage. I wouldn't have it any other way. This one has the usual attention to period detail that helped make this such a high quality series. We are shown how firefighting worked in the 1890s and given a glimpse into the subculture of homeless veterans. Jeavons was the perfect choice to play Inspector Lestrade, the Scotland Yard official who is frequently in competition with Holmes. In this story we are given the impression Sherlock's main motive in solving the crime has more to do with his ego in outdoing Lestrade than it does with serving the cause of justice, although it is clear the Great Detective is also energized by the hunt itself. Director Grieve made some artistic choices that really worked. The whole visual feel was closed in, almost claustrophobic, which was perfect for the plot. The up close and well composed camera shots helped build the tension and kept us focused. Grieve's choice to use music sparingly and mostly as a linking device between scenes was masterful. In this case we see Watson more than usual in the role of supportive friend when Holmes gets depressed, making Sherlock a bit more human. "Capital!"

Clases de ruso / directed by José Antonio Bonet (2001, VHS off-air). Luis Tosar, Vieta Alvizkaya. The more I think about this short film the more I like it. A bachelor in Madrid goes on a blind date with a mysterious Russian woman. And the evening has plenty of, forgive my pun, red flags. At first I thought I was watching a weirdass subtitled artsy film about isolated people in modern society-- the kind I saw about every other day in college in the 1970s. But, this one has a twisted conclusion that saves the story. Although not billed as a comedy, I laughed out loud at the ending, which I suppose reveals my Charles Addams sense of humor. Good use of color and opening/concluding music. Worth hunting down if you can find it.

Telling Lies in America / directed by Guy Ferland (1997, VHS). Kevin Bacon, Brad Renfro, Maximilian Schell, Calista Flockhart, Paul Dooley, Luke Wilson. This is yet another *yawn* coming of age story set in Ohio in an earlier era, this time in Cleveland 1960-1961. Coming of age stories do not hold my interest as I get older. But my daughter watched this particular movie over and over when she was a teenager still living at home so I guess I was not in the target audience. A young refugee from the 1956 Hungarian uprising is bullied at his Catholic school, failing in academics, and incompetent at his job at a market. He inflates his sense of self-worth with a flood of lies to everyone. A sleazy rock radio disc jockey breezes into town and sees in the kid a young con-artist in the making and becomes his mentor. When the DJ tells his protege, "I think you're slicker than two snakes screwin' in a barrel of snot," he means it as a compliment as he involves the teen in a payola scandal. This is an odd movie. It has a strong cast that was wasted. There is nothing here you have not seen before. However, the production values were strong. Good color, warm and nostalgic lighting, a decent recreation of the world at the start of the 1960s. I was reminded of the teenagers I used to observe during the era of this story who hung out at King's, a drive-in that was on the east end of the 4th Ave. bridge, where the Bayview parking lot is now. There are some aspects of this tale I enjoy, particularly Kevin Bacon's character. He gives us a convincing portrayal of a real scummo living on the edges of the law. Bacon even wears the "asshole hat" that has been celebrated here on OlyBlog, a very nice detail to note. Brad Renfro actually wears a bowtie during a big courtroom scene. It looks ridiculous, but just a few feet away from me as I type this is a family photo that was taken in the old Jeffers Studio in 1960, and my Father and I are wearing our matching clip-on bowties! I also have a crewcut and ears that were loaned out to NORAD for help in radar tracking, and hence suggest the lack of crewcuts in this film is one small production mistake. This was one of Renfro's earliest movies, and guess what? This is the only Renfro movie I have ever seen. "But stevenl," you might say, "That is because you only watch crappy bargain-bin videos. Perhaps you need to get out more." But if I did, who else would clumsily cover these half-forgetten bits of cinematic history, films that are not bad enough to be cult-classics, yet not good enough to be remembered? As a bit of trivia, this movie was one of seven seized by the Screen Actors Guild in 2004 and sold at public auction in order to pay back wages and residuals. Seems fitting.

"How High is Up?" (Half-Wits Holiday & Other Nyuks) / directed by Del Lord (1940, VHS). Moe Howard, Larry Fine, Curly Howard, Vernon Dent (uncredited), Bruce Bennett (uncredited), Duke York (uncredited), Cy Schindell (uncredited), Bert Young (uncredited). A series of solid gags divided into two groups: the first battery of jokes revolve around Curly attempting to remove a sweater that is too tight, which somehow morphs into the second set (in a link that only the Dadaistic Stooges can provide) of bits based on their experiences as skyscraper construction workers. The entire short opens with a classic "snoring with the bug" ploy. Watch for Tacoma native and well-known actor (Treasure of the Sierra Madre) Bruce Bennett (who died last year at age 100!) get mad over a hole in his lunchpail. Curly is energetic and "on" in this one, and we can easily see why he was the most popular of the Stooges. Primal physical humor statistics here: Head konks, 31; Rivet driver on head, 5; Stomach hits, 4; Walking into steel post, 2; one each of: knocked on butt, face slap, nose crush, nose bopped, double ear pull, eating a hot metal rivet, rivet driver on butt, rivet driver on stomach, hot coals on butt, hot rivet down back of shirt, eye poke. Sound effects include a meat sizzling sound when hot rivets and coals come into contact with skin. The lone eye poke scene is a fancy one. Moe attempts the single hand/two finger eyepoke, which Curly cleverly thwarts by placing his hand on the bridge of his nose as he celebrates his thwartiness with a "Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk." Moe then falls back to Plan B, giving Curly the two hand/both index fingers eyepoke, thus overcoming the obstacle placed in his path and realizing his goal of injuring Curly's eyes and also satisfying our never ending thirst for violent punchlines.

Waiting for Guffman / directed by Christopher Guest (1996, VHS). Christopher Guest, Eugene Levy, Catherine O'Hara, Bob Balaban, Paul Dooley, Parker Posey, Don Lake, Deborah Theaker, Fred Willard, Michael Hitchcock, Larry Miller, David Cross, Linda Kash, Lewis Arquette, Matt Keeslar, Brian Doyle-Murray, Paul Benedict. The best of the Guest. This little gem is the warmest and funniest of Christopher Guest's mocumentary series of films. The citizens of Blaine, Missouri produce a play celebrating their 150th birthday. Eugene Levy's hand in writing the script can be seen not only in the music, but also in the gentle and humane humor. The total lack of self-awareness in the characters is endearing. We find ourselves getting caught up in their hopes and can feel their little triumphs and disappointments. In short, we care about them. Christopher Guest is wonderful as Corky St. Clair, the not-really-in-the-closet big fish in the little pond who, in spite of his comic overtones and incredibly inept dancing, really does have something positive to bring to this little town as he stirs up a few dreams. It must be difficult for professional actors like this ensemble to act in a film where they portray small town amateur thespians. The movie has a low-budget feel, yet seems much more conducive to repeated viewing than the higher financed Guest films that came later. Maybe the low overhead forced the story be more personal.

The Lady Vanishes / directed by Alfred Hitchcock (1938, DVD). Michael Redgrave, Margaret Lockwood, Paul Lukas, Dame May Whitty, Cecil Parker, Linden Travers, Naunton Wayne, Basil Radford. A spy thriller with several English characters aboard a train as it hurtles through a fictitious European country where the officials dress like Nazis. Although the pace of the suspense is much slower than we are used to today, that is more than compensated for by Hitchcock's intriguing use of the camera and the parade of fun personalities. Tiny little model villages and trains were used in some of the shots, which I found charming. Michael Redgrave plays the hero, and wears a bowtie through most of the action. Not only that, it is a bowtie with little polka dots. I don't get it. What am I missing here? Naunton Wayne and Basil Radford are a couple of cricket-obsessed upper class twits, the kind Monty Python like to make fun of, and their obliviousness to the mayhem taking place around them as they revel in their self-absorbed world is typical cynical Hitchcockian comic relief. The duo were such a smash hit as a result of this movie they became a comedy team and subsequently appeared as the same kind of characters in almost a dozen more films. In one point of the story the Brits are under fire while their passenger car is stranded on the tracks. The very polite ("A nasty jam, this. Don't like the look of it") and unflappable resolve they exhibit seemed liked an eerie foreshadowing of how the admirable and brave people of England would take the pounding from Hitler's V-2 rockets a short time after this movie was made. Dame May Whitty is a delight to watch. One of the better early Hitchcock stories.

Bride of the Monster / directed by Edward D. Wood, Jr. (1955, VHS). Bela Lugosi, Tor Johnson, Tony McCoy, Loretta King, Harvey B. Dunn, George Becwar, Paul Marco, Don Nagel, Ann Wilner, Dolores Fuller, William Benedict, Ben Frommer. "One is always considered mad, if one discovers something that others cannot grasp!" The badness of Ed Wood films is the stuff of legend, and a good deal of the laughs from Tim Burton's Ed Wood came from the backstory involving Bride of the Monster. Yet, this was probably one of Wood's tamer and more commercial products. It does have many Woodian features: bad stunt doubles, stock footage, cheap sets, lots of poor acting, incredibly disjointed dialogue, angora fetish, fascination with whips and torn clothes. Yet, there are some high points here that can be used as a measure of how far he had fallen between this one and the not much later Plan 9 From Outer Space. In this 1955 feature, Wood is consistent about day and night, he knows how to give Lugosi effective interior lighting, the music actually matches the action on the screen, lightning is used as a creative divider between scenes. Some of the actors, like Harvey B. Dunn, Tor Johnson, Ann Wilner, George Becwar, and Don Nagel performed workmanlike and adequate jobs. Lugosi, in one of his very last films, is incredibly melodramatic and cadaverous but somehow gives this Z-film a sense of dignity. He also delivers one of the truly great lines of his career: "Home? I have no home. Hunted, despised, living like an animal! The jungle is my home. But I will show the world that I can be its master! I will perfect my own race of people. A race of atomic supermen which will conquer the world!" And he frequently does that double-jointed Hungarian hand mesmerization thing in order to control people. It is no accident that a real snake-like villain in this wears a bowtie. Harvey B. Dunn, who plays the Chief of Police, looks a lot like Sen. Mike Gravel, but not as crazy.

"The Brain of Morbius" (Doctor Who) / directed by Christopher Barry (1976, VHS off-air). Tom Baker, Elisabeth Sladen, Cynthia Grenville, Philip Madoc, Colin Fay. It's all about karma. This is a very serviceable story, the slow spots being more tolerable than most tales about the Doctor. This one borrows from two classics of literature and mixes them up in space opera. First, a mad scientist and his hulking Tor Johnson-like companion Condo (a "chickenbrained biological disaster") assemble pieces of bodies in order to construct a new home for the Brain of Morbius. Morbius was an evil Time Lord who was excuted for being a genocidal maniac many years before, but his brain somehow lives on in a jar. All this scientist needs to complete the task is a human head. Frankenstein. Meanwhile, a group of Weird Sisters led by an Ada Doom wannabe (she saw "something nasty in the woodshed") perform unintentionally humorous rituals and posses some paranormal powers. MacBeth. While the Sisters are pretty over the top, the mad scientist approaches his role as if he is in a Shakespeare play and actually does a not-too-bad job. The word "cranial" gets used. Although the Doctor and Sarah are the only characters to exhibit any sort of humor, there is much to laugh at here. Unfortunately, the funny spots are in places that are supposed to be high drama. When the Brain of Morbius is knocked to the floor by the oafish Condo, the rubber prop sort unceremoniously plops. My mind kept going back to an episode of Red Dwarf where Lister was reduced to being a brain in a jar as well and that didn't help me take this as was intended. Also, the mad scientist's final product is a creature that looks like the star of a 1950s film directed by William "One-Shot" Beaudine. A couple unusual details here: first, the Doctor actually murders a human with cyanide gas. Very unlike him and not too sportsmanlike. Secondly, there is a "mind-war" scene where we see all the previous incarnations of this UK icon.

"The Hotel Inspectors" (Fawlty Towers) / directed by John Howard Davies (1975, VHS). John Cleese, Prunella Scales, Connie Booth, Andrew Sachs, Bernard Cribbins, James Cossins. An excellent example of perfect comic timing in this "televisual feast" as a fussy and verbose little man with a Hitler moustache brings out Basil's alternating surly and fawning sides as he suspects the little fellow is really an undercover hotel inspector. Watching Cleese change gears throughout the show is part of the fun. In this 4th of the 12 episodes, the cast is really hitting their stride and the characters have been solidified. One of my favorite ending scenes in the entire series.