12 mini-reviews for the short attention span, taken from the dark corners of stevenl's video vault:

"The War Against Pornography" (Monty Python's Flying Circus ; v. 15, episode 32) / directed by Ian MacNaughton (1972, VHS). Graham Chapman, John Cleese, Terry Gilliam, Eric Idle, Terry Jones, Michael Palin. Tory Tours, The war against pornography, Mr. Gumby sees Dr. Gumby and declares "My brain hurts!", Gumby surgery room, Gilliam uses Adlai Stevenson's face in a collage cartoon, Documentary on molluscs, Gilliam uses John L. Lewis' face in a collage cartoon, Today in Parliament, The Tuesday documentary, The Children's story, Party political broadcast, Match of the day, Politicians: an apology, The hip Navy interviewed by a morphing pirate, Royal Navy-- something other than else, The lake in the basement, Mr. Badger is interviewed. A good, classic entry into the Python series. This one includes one of my all-time favorite Python lines, this time delivered by a very officious Navy man (Graham Chapman): "And may I take this opportunity in emphasizing that there is no cannibalism in the British Navy. Absolutely none. And when I say 'None' I mean there is a certain amount." It crosses my mind that Gilliam, the only American born member of Python, frequently employs faces taken from figures in United States history as sources for his cartoon collage animations, especially unsuccesful Vice-Presidential candidate John Alexander Logan (1826-1886). As it so happens, unsuccessful Vice-Presidential candidates used to be an interest of mine. I even published a book about them over two decades ago. But that's in the sordid past. So let's move on.

"Fall Out" (The Prisoner) / directed by Patrick McGoohan (1968, VHS). Patrick McGoohan, Leo McKern, Kenneth Griffith, Alexis Kanner. Should be entitled "Cop Out." Almost, nearly, just about as bad as Zardoz, and that's pretty bad. The final installment in this excellent but short-lived series was incoherent, disappointing, and seen by many as completely avoiding any recognition of the investment of time by devoted fans to the story. Hence, "Cop Out." It was almost as if McGoohan said, "Screw it," and hid behind the curtain of surrealism in an effort to just end the franchise ASAP. The public was so angry at being cheated apparently McGoohan didn't feel safe walking the streets and went into hiding for awhile! Most of the action takes place during some kind of trial, with strong themes of what was then called "The Generation Gap" threatening the established order. I did like the ironic use of the Beatles' "All You Need is Love" at one point. I'll be fair-- as a stand alone bit of late 1960s case study weirdness, this actually isn't bad. In fact, if compartmentalized and isolated as a monographic film it is indeed fun if you're into the bizarre. What makes it awful is how inconsistent and jarring this segment is with the other episodes in the series. We viewers arrived at the door with expectations and anticipation, but were bascially abused-- in a cinematic sense.

Red Dawn / directed by John Milius (1984, VHS). Patrick Sawyze, C. Thomas Howell, Lea Thompson, Charlie Sheen, Darren Dalton, Jennifer Grey, Ben Johnson, Harry Dean Stanton, Powers Boothe, Scott Phillips (uncredited). A well crafted piece of Fear Culture propaganda and Cold War cheerleading, and it played well to the NRA faithful back in 1984. But if I had a Paranoia Meter, the needle would be pegged on this baby. Illegal immigrants' efforts to infiltrate and sabotage our defense system paid off, allowing the Soviets and their South-of-Our-Border commie allies to invade the Midwest-- but wait, there's more. The story starts out with paratroopers killing school children. Registered gun owners are rounded up. Patriots are placed in "re-education camps" and many are executed by firing squad. Who can save us? A group of kids escape to the woods, managing to use guerilla warfare techniques in fighting the swarthy and ethnic bad guys. And somehow those children usually maintain their 80s hair without muss or fuss! The body count in this tale must be incredible. This rolls like an adolescent fantasy for nationalist conspiracy screwballs and firearms fetish freaks everywhere. I cringe to see fine actors like Johnson and Stanton deliver the nonsense dialogue they were paid to babble. This is one big political advertisement for a sick segment of the lunatic fringe, a rather ironic label since Theodore Roosevelt invented the term and the director is a TR admirer. Believe it or not this is currently being remade, so perhaps we have not progressed as much from the time of Ron the Con as I thought. Just so I'm not totally negative, I liked the sweeping landscape shots, some nice work there. The direction was good as craft, but not art. Brush with fame: Back in the Newave Comix era I used to correspond with an excellent cartoonist from Albuquerque named Scott "Scooter" Phillips. Scooter shows up several times as a prominent extra in the course of the story, most notably as the flag bearer on the right during the Soviet parade, and also second from right in the row of Soviet commandos in the briefing scene. He reported his experience as an extra was a lot of fun. Frankly, that's the only reason I went to see Red Dawn when it was first released, to support Scooter. Phillips is now a film director. Back in 1986 he wrote to me, "Hey! In the biker movie script me and Howie [John Howard, another great NM cartoonist!] are writing, there's one biker we'd like to call Morty Dog, if it's okay with you. We don't have a lot of work left on the script, but the way we write it could be 2029 before it's done." Only 20 years yet to go!

"Polymorph" (Red Dwarf) / directed by Ed Bye (1989, VHS off-air). Chris Barrie, Craig Charles, Danny John-Jules, Robert Llewellyn, Hattie Hayridge. The Red Dwarf version of Alien. Funny yet some dialogue is more contrived than usual. We see Lister without fear, the Cat without vanity, Kryten without guilt, and Rimmer without anger. Rimmer's biography is padded a little more when we meet his mother and see a home movie of how he was treated by his brothers. The Polymorph can change it's shape at will, including into Lister's boxer shorts-- a scene that ranks as one of the favorites among fans, a fact demonstrating what a Guy Program this really is. We also hear Arnold singing "All You Need is Love." Hey, didn't we also hear that in the just previously mentioned "Fall Out" episode of The Prisoner? There are no coincidences in life.

Sunset Blvd. / directed by Billy Wilder (1950, VHS). William Holden, Gloria Swanson, Erich von Stroheim, Nancy Olson, Fred Clark, Jack Webb, Cecil B. DeMille, Hedda Hopper, Buster Keaton, Anna Q. Nilsson, H.B. Warner. It took a lot of courage for silent film star Gloria Swanson to come out of retirement and essentially play a caricature of herself. Using silent film melodramatic acting conventions in a modern 1950 Wilder film, she was terrific and mesmerizing as a living relic existing in her own time bubble. Holden as her gigolo and von Stroheim as her butler/ex-husband are classic enablers, and both actors were superb in their renditions. In fact, this is probably one of Holden's best movies in the early half of his career. There are no characters to like in this dark work. Hollywood condemned itself here, where an actress was considered a has-been at age 50, tossed aside and then is seen no more. Fortunately that perception has slowly changed in the last six decades. A terrific case study concerning the downward slide after achieving tremendous success at a young age. This movie changed the way I see Swanson's earlier work. Not long ago I saw Beyond the Rocks (1922) on the big screen at the Washington Center (complete with live organ music) starring Valentino and Swanson. The appropriately entitled Sunset Blvd. made me appreciate the passion that went into those silents a little bit more. Note some of the odd walk-ons, such as DeMille, Hopper, and Keaton. Cataloging trivia: although the posters, VHS container, etc. all use the title Sunset Boulevard, the film itself, which is the chief source of information for library catalogers, uses Sunset Blvd. as the main title. 

The Stooges Story : Four Generations of Stooges (1990, VHS). Moe Howard, Larry Fine, Shemp Howard, Curly Howard, Ted Healy, Joe Besser, Joe DeRita, Emil Sitka, Bud Jamison, Dee Green, Christine McIntyre, Ed Wynn. A badly patched together and low budget documentary on the history of the Three Stooges. A narrator talks over movie stills and public domain film clips. Heavily padded with extended scenes from Disorder in the Court, Brideless Groom, Sing a Song of Six Pants, and an episode of the Ed Wynn Show. Looks like something any normal Joe could put together at home and post on YouTube. A true Stooge scholar would turn away and then spin on the floor a few times yelling "Woop! Woop! Woop!" in response to this work.

"Will the Real Martian Please Stand Up?" (The Twilight Zone) / directed by Montgomery Pittman (1961, VHS). John Hoyt, Jean Willes, Jack Elam, Barney Phillips, John Archer, William Kendis, Morgan Jones, Gertrude Flynn, Bill Erwin, Jill Ellis, Ron Kipling, Rod Serling. The chain-smoking Rod Serling does it again by presenting us with another classic in television history. Two state police officers attempt to determine which one of the seven snow-bound and stranded bus passengers in a diner is an alien. Filled with actors you recognize but can't name. Jack Elam is great as the crazy old coot. Comfort food entertainment for the typical Boomer. Nice low-budget twist ending. Mind games in the JFK era. I loved this series when it originally aired and still do.

"Inhumanitas" (American Gothic) / directed by Bruce Seth Green (1996, DVD). Gary Cole, Lucas Black, Nick Searcy, Brenda Bakke, Sarah Paulson, Pat Hingle, Wayne Dehart. Merlyn and Sheriff Buck have it out, and the Sheriff gets his butt kicked-- finally. Apparently Buck has some kind of deal with the local priest: in exchange for protection, all juicy confessions are reported to the man with the star. Looks like Trinity, S.C. is not a good town for Catholics. More emphasis on God, church, religion, and redemption than usual-- which actually comes closer to the core of the main conflict in this supernatural soap opera. Very well directed, with nice special effects and creative lighting. Pat Hingle as the priest is one of the best guest actors in the entire series. Sheriff Buck also employs his usual tricks of bestowing heart attacks upon men of the cloth who won't play ball, and allowing sleazy people (in this case a greedy attorney) to sell their souls in exchange for the always ironic payback.

Bullet to Beijing / directed by George Mihalka (1995, VHS). Michael Caine, Jason Connery, Patrick Allen, Mia Sara, Michael Gambon, Michael Sarrazin, Lev Prygunov, Burt Kwouk. A comeback film for the 1960s Cold Warrior, British spy Harry Palmer (The Ipcress File, etc.), played by Caine. But by 1995 the Cold War was over, the Soviet Union no more, and a small army of unemployed spooks on both sides are now peddling their skills on the open market. Not a great film, not even a good one, but it is still fun to watch Michael Caine in the role of the tired, mature spy. Caine is always good, no matter how bad the film-- Michael has real screen presence that surpasses weak scripts. Lots of dry humor, much of it at the expense of the crumbling Russian economy and poor technology. Filmed in London and St. Petersburg, Russia, the prevailing color is blue, giving the entire motion picture a muted and downplayed feeling. I found the Russian location shots to be more interesting than the convoluted plot. The music appears to have been lifted from an infomercial (or at least that is what it sounds like) and if this is ever re-mastered I'd be interested to see how far an improved and appropriate soundtrack would go in saving this movie. Still, when I learned this was made for Showtime TV, I was impressed it had such good production values for television. More interesting as a curio than as entertainment.

The Candid Candidate / directed by Dave Fleischer (1937, DVD). Jack Mercer (uncredited voice), Mae Questel (uncredited voice). With Betty Boop's campaign help, Grampy is elected Mayor by a one vote margin. He quickly discovers holding political office is no bowl of cherries, but with the aid of his thinking cap comes up with some wild technological solutions-- Fleischer-style. Fun stuff. My DVD (Digiview Productions) used a master copy that was pretty scratched up, giving the impression the entire cartoon took place during a light rain. Actually, for us Western Washingtonians, that should seem normal.

Dersu Uzala / directed by Akira Kurosawa (1975, VHS). Maksim Munzuk, Yuri Solomin. A remarkable film where Dr. Zhivago meets Yoda. Set in the Siberian wilderness in the early 20th century, a Russian survey geological survey party encounter a local hunter. Dismissed at first as a crazy old eccentric, the surveyors quickly gain a healthy respect for Dersu's lifetime of experience living in the forest as he saves their lives several times over. The lead surveyor forms a bond with Dersu, learning to appreciate the hunter's spiritual connection with the wilderness as if he was a poet. But eventually the realities of age and encroaching civilization change things. This film is as pleasantly incongruous as a Spaghetti Western. Japanese director Kurosawa brings his amazing visual sensitivity to a group of Soviet actors in a country not known for sosphisticated filmmaking (I saw a Soviet version of Hamlet once that was like something Ed Wood would've produced). Also, the actors, all of them terrific, were portraying real Russians, not Soviets, since the story took place in the Tsar's reign. It was almost as if the Soviets needed a talented outsider like Kurosawa to poke through the artificial government religion and come in under the bureaucratic radar to give their true Russian soul a voice in the repressive days of 1975. Dersu represents humankind on a level more spiritually connected with our primal survival instincts in the wild, and his "retirement" in an urban environment is not unlike that of a sad, caged and beautiful creature of the woods stuck in a zoo. There are many parallels with European relationships to Native Americans in this tale. I appreciated the fact this was a rare narrative about male bonding that didn't come across as a high-fivin' beer commercial, or was filled with macho bravado, or have sexually suggestive overtones. It was pretty straight ahead, direct and honest about male friendships. My copy (Kino Video) had excellent letterboxed and always readable subtitles. Based on a true story.

Gamera daikaijû kuchu kessen = Gamera, the Guardian of the Universe / directed by Shusuke Kaneko (1995, VHS). Tsuyoshi Ihara, Akira Onodera, Shinobu Nakayama, Ayako Fujitani. One of the best of the giant Japanese monster films, which is like saying the best of the selection of cheap cigars that don't have worms in them. A guy in a costume dressed up as a giant fire-breathing turtle with tusks who can also spit fire and fly like a spinning saucer saves the universe from enormous reptile birds. Relatively speaking, the production values are good. I always enjoy watching guys in suits and ties seriously discussing how to handle enormous monsters running amok in a city. Perhaps this should be a question for candidates for your local municipal offices? The English dubbing here is funny, one young woman has a Valley Girl voice. Much of the story is told via TV newscasters or headlines, which somehow adds to the humor factor. As usual, one young person has a telepathic connection with the giant (we Boomers learned this convention early through our hours spent watching the breakthrough show Gigantor). And concerning the telepathic kid, Sarah felt it was especially important I point out the heart-rending piece of dialogue from the subject's father, "Why must you share Gamera's suffering?" Those giant Japanese monsters can sometimes be an enormous pain in the ass. Talk about enabling! Although I consider this the best of the Big Japanese Monster films, it remains a case where the fast forward button is your friend. I'm done with this genre.