12 mini-reviews for the short attention span, taken from the dark corners of stevenl's video vault:

Dressed to Kill / directed by Roy William Neill (1946, DVD). Basil Rathbone, Nigel Bruce, Patricia Morison, Edmund Breon, Frederick Worlock. For a public domain film I bought in the bargain bin for a buck, this is surprisingly good. This was the final appearance (out of 14 movies!) of Rathbone as Sherlock Holmes teamed up with Bruce as Watson (also Roy William Neill, who had directed so many of the Rathbone/Holmes titles, died shortly after the motion picture was finished). But long after 1946, for the next four decades until Jeremy Brett came along, Rathbone was the definitive Holmes. And a good one he was. Unlike Brett, Basil's Holmes is slightly more personable, and not so dark, laserlike or eccentric. With Brett, Holmes himself is the show, but with Rathbone the story takes center stage. Both actors were great for the role at the time they played them. This story is not bad. Fans will recognize elements of The Six Napoleons and also A Scandal in Bohemia. There are references to Irene Adler, Adventure of the Solitary Cyclist, and even a setup for the future spoof film, Without a Clue (plates for 5 pound notes!) It is a little disconcerting to see Holmes and Watson running around London in a 1946 setting with modern automobiles, telephones, etc. Part of the charm of the original Holmes is the fact he has a modern mind in a Victorian world, but in this case he doesn't seem so unique. Moral of the story for villains: If you're going to leave the hero in a death trap, then stick around to witness the death. Jeez, you evildoers never learn.

The General / directed by Clyde Bruckman, Buster Keaton (1926, DVD). Buster Keaton, Marion Mack. The greatest silent picture ever made, and one of the best movies of all time. As a Confederate train engineer chasing Union troops who hijacked his locomotive, The General, Keaton is at his peak. His comic stunt timing here has deservedly become the stuff of legend. About as pure and beautiful as comedy can get, with a tight story that doesn't waste a single frame. An underdog in an underdog rebel nation, the choice to place Keaton's character as a citizen of the Deep South was brilliant. We know his cause is doomed from the start but admire his tenacity. Romantic without suffocating in sentimentality, funny without being cute, action-packed without being mindless-- Keaton was ahead of his time and for my money was far superior to the silent comedy superstar of the era, Charlie Chaplin. Some Pacific Northwest trivia: This was filmed in Oregon. I first saw this title in the late 1960s with a bunch of old guys who were born around the time this movie was made (Well, they seemed old to me at the time, although all of them were younger than I am now!) One of them had checked the movie reel (yes, a movie reel in those pre-VHS/DVD days) out of Olympia Public Library along with a projector and screen and set up an outdoor showing on a warm summer night. This is the way silent movies should be viewed. Especially this one.

Imaginary Crimes / directed by Anthony Drazan (1994, VHS). Harvey Keitel, Fairuza Balk, Kelly Lynch, Vincent D'Onofrio, Chris Penn, Elisabeth Moss, Seymour Cassell, Annette O'Toole, William G. Schilling. Based on the autobiographical work of Seattle native Sheila Ballantyne, but set in Portland in the early 1960s, this coming of age melodrama didn't grab me the first time but during the second viewing a few years later I was impressed. A rare case where narration works, a world-weary girl describes life with a widowed father who engages in one small time hustle con game after another. "Never has a man," she says, "less equipped for parenthood tried so hard." I found an uncomfortable connection with Keitel as the daughter-Dad wracked by self-doubt and guilt. Although his case was extreme, there are some parenthood universals in there for those of us who have raised children to adulthood. The portrayal of writing as a form of therapy, coping, and self-discovery with a devoted teacher as a mentor was a ray of light in this story. Great performances by Keitel and Balk. Child actor Moss was also quite good. My favorite ironic quote came from conman Keitel who spoke of himself in the third person: "Your Daddy knows about college. Your Daddy knows about professors. I know. Don't think I don't know. I've been around. Those pinko intellectuals will distort your values and do everything in their power to turn your head around and ruin everything that I, and all decent upstanding Americans-- like your Daddy-- hold precious." Keitel's character later winds up being imprisoned for fraud.

Kill Bill. Vol. 1 / directed by Quentin Tarantino (2003, VHS). Uma Thurman, Lucy Liu, Vivica A. Fox, Daryl Hannah, David Carradine, Michael Madsen, Julie Dreyfus, Chia Hui Liu, Michael Parks, Michael Bowen. Sophisticated camp. For action/martial arts fans, this is like eating candy, and gets my vote for Tarantino's most amazing visual ride combined with original soundtrack selections. Last month I watched Vol. 2, and seeing these two out of sequence didn't seem to make much of a difference, given the director's nonlinear method of storytelling. In fact, in some ways, I liked the story better when I switched the order of both parts. More violent and bloody than Vol. 2, with a much higher body count, Vol. 1 is also more intricate and varied. As usual with Tarantino, this is a real homage smorgasboard to pop/junk culture, including Manga, Leone, Peckinpah, Green Hornet, Zatoichi, and all those nameless HK fight films. One thing about Tarantino films that resonates: this guy loves and cares about movies and that energy really comes through for the viewer. He's not cranking out something in order to just make a buck. It's almost as if this fellow is a motion picture evangelist. Even if I'm not crazy about the subject matter (which in this case I'm not) it is still a joy to see his handiwork. Uma Thurman is no slouch either-- she makes a convincing blonde warrior. Jackie Brown remains my favorite movie directed by Tarantino but both of the Kill Bill films are high quality as well.

Magical Mystery Tour / directed by Bernard Knowles, George Harrison, John Lennon, Paul McCartney, Ringo Starr (1967, VHS). George Harrison, John Lennon, Paul McCartney, Ringo Starr, Vivian Stanshall, Neil Innes, George Claydon, Ivor Cutler, Mal Evans, Derek Royle, Jessie Robins, Victor Spinetti. Not everything the Beatles touched turned to gold, as evidenced here by the Fabs and their staff aboard a tour bus crossing England in search of a script. John Lennon called this "The most expensive home movie ever made," which is a pretty accurate description. But there are parts of this work worth defending, and when I go through my next round of thinning out the video vault this one will be a keeper. First, there are the songs (Magical Mystery Tour, Fool on the Hill, Flying, I am the Walrus, Blue Jay Way, and Your Mother Should Know) presented as encapsulated music videos long before MTV became reality. Also, the Beatles' anticipated some of the UK Dada comedy that was later perfected by Monty Python. In particular the scene where Lennon the fancypants waiter serves a customer with shovel-loads of food brings to mind the Mr. Creosote restaurant bit in Monty Python's The Meaning of Life (1983). There is another Python connection in this movie with the appearance of the Bonzo Dog Band during the stripper scene. Band member Neil Innes was close to being an unofficial member of Python as he appeared in several of their TV shows and movies, as well as being the John character in the Rutles. Another bit of Python trivia: Derek Royle, the tour guide, was later the Corpse in Fawlty Towers' "The Kipper and the Corpse." I suppose I also can't let go of this video, as bad as the film is, in the same manner I can't let go of the Fabs music. So I'm a Boomer trapped in the amber of their songs, I confess. There are worse musical traps to fall into.

"Timeslides" (Red Dwarf) / directed by Ed Bye (1989, VHS off-air). Chris Barrie, Craig Charles, Danny John-Jules, Robert Llewellyn, Hattie Hayridge, Robert Addie, Emile Charles, Koo Stark, Ruth Wax. As Kryten develops photographs in the darkroom, he discovers the developing fluid has mutated. This oddity has enabled the crew to actually step into photographs (when projected from a slide) and revisit time past. Lister and Rimmer attempt to alter their past by visiting their younger selves to give them advice and warning-- which of course screws up the causality/fate thing. Eventually, Rimmer must go and "rescue" the alternate universe Lister from a life of wealth and power because, as Arnold said, "It's my duty. My duty as a complete and utter bastard!" I did enjoy the scene where Lister steps into a photo next to Hitler during a speech and warns the crowd about this loser being a psychopath with one testicle. Graham Chapman was scheduled to play a newscaster in this episode, but then he had to go and die on us.

"Living Doll" (The Twilight Zone) / directed by Richard C. Sarafian (1963, VHS). Telly Savalas, Mary LaRoche, Tracy Stratford, June Foray (voice), Rod Serling (narrator). "My name is Talky Tina, and I'm going to kill you!" says a doll to a cruel and controlling stepfather of a little girl. Telly Savalas matches wits with a sinister doll voiced by veteran cartoon sound actress June Foray (Rocket J. Squirrel, Natasha for Jay Ward and Witch Hazel, Granny for Chuck Jones, to name a few). Since the doll's facial expressions are not changed by fancy special effects, it is pretty amazing how much of a personality Foray was able to give this object purely through speech. The story keeps us wondering (until the end) if the events we are seeing are all in Telly's head or really happening. Nice atmospheric woodwind soundtrack, unusually effective for a television piece. As I recall, about the same time this program aired there was a popular talking doll being advertised called Chatty Cathy, so the script was riding on a new fad.

"Doctor Death Takes a Holiday" (American Gothic) / directed by Doug Lefler (1996, DVD). Gary Cole, Lucas Black, Nick Searcy, Brenda Bakke, Sarah Paulson, Paige Turco, John Mese, Veronica Cartwright. Everything goes up a notch. Selena is done. Dr. Crower has figured out that Lucas Buck is really Lucifer Buck. And a former lover of the Sheriff who is now quite mature (suggesting Buck has not aged at all in decades) returns to correctly inform the world he is "pure otherworldly evil." Interesting that actress Cartwright both in this episode and in The Witches of Eastwick movie plays a Cassandra obsessed with exposing Satan's agenda-- and in this story she pulls a Forrestal. She's very good at portraying these crazed type of characters, I might add. Mese as the newly arrived doctor in the strange town of Trinity, South Carolina is the first really refreshingly normal person to show up in the series.

House Cleaning Blues / directed by Dave Fleischer (1937, DVD). Jack Mercer (uncredited voice), Mae Questel (uncredited voice). Great fun! As Betty Boop whines about cleaning up her house after some wild orgy the night before, Grampy swoops in and applies his amazing Max Fleischer inventions to the task of clearing the mess while accompanied with jaunty music. His secret? He takes speed. Or at least that's what I heard from a reliable source and I know he wouldn't lie. In the early part of this cartoon Betty has several unsettling expressions of consterantion I have never seen in her other appearances.

Drowning Mona / directed by Nick Gomez (2000, VHS). Danny DeVito, Bette Midler, Neve Campbell, Jamie Lee Curtis, Casey Affleck, William Fichtner, Marcus Thomas, Tracey Walter, Will Ferrell, Brian Doyle-Murray. OK, so this film is supposed to be an embarrassment to everyone who appeared in it. In this dark comedy/murder mystery set in a small town, conventional reviewer wisdom has the script as clunky and dysfunctional as the Yugo, an automobile which happens to be an icon in this work-- every one of them with personalized license plates. I found it well directed, well acted, and badly written. Although I did enjoy this more on the second round compared to the time I first saw it when it was new, the film still remained in the sphere of badness. But I never used the fast forward button, so that's a positive sign. A lot of the comedy here stems from the discomfort everyone feels when a very unpleasant, annoying, abusive, and unpopular person dies. DeVito as the law enforcement investigator holds this thing together, and there is something about him that is comforting. Plus, he's always fun to watch. Jamie Lee Curtis deserves recognition for taking a risk on such an unattractive role and making it funny. I can easily see this odd motion picture eventually being rediscovered and gaining a cult following. It has an extensive and creative use of flashbacks. In some ways the dysfunctional and eccentric setting made me think of life here in McCleary, I'm sorry to say.

"Akim the Terrible" (Flash Gordon) / directed by Wallace Worsley Jr. (1954, DVD). Steve Holland, Irene Champlin, Joseph Nash. Akim is one bad guy in a comical costume on a planet of bad guys in comical costumes, "spreading the doctrine of evil." He has some sort of brainwashing device, turning good people into submissive minions. "The old, the weak, the sick shall perish by my hands," and no, those are not the words taken from the Republican health care plan, but an example of the sort of wacky and crazy things those poor victims of Akim's eeeeevil technology will utter. Washington State native Steve Holland (1925-1997) starred as Flash Gordon in this short-lived (30 episodes, 1954-1955) DuMont Television Network ancestor to Star Trek. Steve cut a dashing figure, but an actor he wasn't. For some reason this was filmed in West Berlin, so most of the other cast members have German accents-- giving the whole enterprise a slightly off-kilter feel. You have to give them all points for trying in the days of early pioneer TV. The fact this snippet still exists from a network long extinct is really remarkable. Interesting to see Flash as a bureaucrat since he spends the majority of screen time in an office setting at the Galaxy Bureau of Investigation.

Do-It-Yourself Gumby / directed by Art Clokey (1957, VHS). Art Clokey (voice). Gumby has a machine where he can type a request on a keyboard and have any material object he desires. Pokey, Prickle and Goo are there too. The story's moral teaches us about overconsumption, technology running amok, and learning to clarify what we really want out of life. In just a few minutes this claymation covers a wide variety of Spiritual Big Issues. You could look at this cartoon in this manner, or, you could simply say it is an insipid piece of work. I tend to lean toward the latter category. Pokey, who is a pony, is shown eating roasted turkey and for some reason that really bothers me. A lot. The best part about this particular Gumby title is that it is the last one I need to review! Thank God! The long nightmare is over! If I never see another Gumby episode for the rest of my life I'll count myself a very lucky man in my final minute.