12 mini-reviews for the short attention span, taken from the dark corners of stevenl's video vault:

The Big Trees / directed by Felix E. Feist (1952, DVD). Kirk Douglas, Eve Miller, Patrice Wymore, Edgar Buchanan, John Archer, Alan Hale Jr. A sleazy and psychopathic con artist (Douglas) manipulates his way into the giant redwood forests of California in 1900, and uses the tenants of free enterprise, charm, and libertarianism as his cover story and justification for cutting down the trees. He comes up against a group of religious colonists who are not named but have Quaker-like beliefs. They hold the Old Growth trees as a part of God's sacred handiwork, and regard the forest as their church. This conflict of pacificism in the Old West vs. the reality of violence has been the staple of several Westerns. The best of this genre was John Wayne's Angel and the Bad Man (1947), which had a suprisingly unexpected and idealistic ending. This film, however, was much more typically cynical and mundane. As any TV watcher will tell you, pacificists don't make for good entertainment unless they break their code of conduct and kick butt, preferably with lots of blood and killing. It was interesting to see the heroes in this 1952 story were Christians saving trees and breaching dams, while the secular bad guys viewed timber as nothing more than a crop to be harvested. The narrative (no flashbacks) quickly develops into an interesting series of Machiavellian maneuvers resulting in the idealistic characters being dead and the ethically challenged landing in a dysfunctional place at the conclusion. Watch Edgar Buchanan's wise fool role as a measurement for the hypocrisy of others. In the end, the main psychopath guy is still a psychopath. We have the impression he switched sides as a matter of convenience but never really transformed his inner self in the process. Some details: Although a donkey engine and springboards were shown, the director would've done well to display just how hard and incredibly dangerous life as an early logger was in 1900. In a way, timber barons like the Douglas character were throwing young men into a war zone. I like the fact a cat named "Tom" turned out to be pivotal part of the plot. And here's a Washington State connection: John Archer died in Redmond in 1999. This is a depressing motion picture.

"White Hole" (Red Dwarf) / directed by Ed Bye, Paul Jackson (uncredited) (1991, VHS off-air). Chris Barrie, Craig Charles, Danny John-Jules, Robert Llewellyn, Hattie Hayridge, David Ross (voice). Talky Toaster is back, and Holly's IQ has been jacked up 12,000! Nice to see Hattie Hayridge given a chance to expand her role a bit. The crew encounter a white hole in space, an anomaly that spews out time in little jagged slivers ("Time is occurring in random pockets!") bringing to mind a storytelling style we see in a typical Tarantino film. Lister's talents as a pool player basically save the day. Only on Red Dwarf. Some more random pockets: "Whitehall" used to be a telephone prefix in Oly, alongside the better known "Fleetwood." In fact, it was our prefix up there on Eastside St., which might be how I thought of "White Hole" when I used the concept myself in my comic The Big Picture Picture Book (1983).

The Searchers / directed by John Ford (1956, VHS). John Wayne, Jeffrey Hunter, Vera Miles, Ward Bond, Natalie Wood, Harry Carey Jr., Patrick Wayne, Henry Brandon. On one hand this is a brutal, harsh, matter of fact look (in 1956 terms) at the war between Native Americans and Western Civilization. On the other it is a sappy piece of Western movie stereotype. The core of the story is strong. The Duke, in one of his very best performances, plays a man who lives on the margins of society. In 1868 Texas, he's a Confederate soldier who refused to surrender. His post-war activities, the story suggests, involve various amoral acts of mercenary work in Maximilian's Mexico-- or worse. We never quite know. We also don't know why his brand of racisim against Native Americans actually slops over into the realm of genocide. He comes across as so extreme even the other Indian fighters think he's obsessed. Wayne's character as warrior is pretty primal. His philosophy of warfare is alien to his colleagues. At one point he actually scalps an Indian. By never openly revealing the source of Wayne's hatred, or what drives him, this dark figure remains somewhat mysterious and remote during the entire motion picture-- and he's not a person to admire. It was an atypical role for this actor. His subdued, malevolent manner was well played and is the only part of the film that outshines the incredible landscapes that rule this Ford-directed epic. The sideplots and supporting folks are pretty ordinary, with the exception of Ward Bond as a preacher/Texas Ranger and Henry Brandon as Chief Scar. I wouldn't agree with some film buffs that this was the greatest Western ever made-- far from it-- but my respect for the Duke's acting went up a couple notches after this last viewing.

The Stan Boreson Show: KING's Klubhouse. Vol. 2 (199-?, VHS). Stan Boreson, Doug Setterberg. "Zero dacus, mucho cracus / hallaballu-za bub / That’s the secret password that we use down at the club. / Zero-dacus, mucho-cracus / hallaballu-za fan / Means now you are a member of: KING’s TV club with Stan." And thus began and ended every episode of Stan's afternoon kid's show on KING-TV in Seattle during the 1950s and and 1960s. Stan's show had a few things in common with his competition over at KIRO, J.P. Patches. Both lived in shacks, both had a cast of funny supporting characters with many of the roles performed by the star, both used drag humor before we kids knew the term, both were aired live and had camera and sound crews that played jokes on the air requiring an improv response, both stars advertised for their commercial sponsors as a seamless part of the show, and both appeared to be having a blast doing what they were doing. But there were some big differences between Stan and J.P. For openers, Boreson's main act was affecting a thick Scandinavian accent and singing comedy songs. Decades before Weird Al, he mocked popular tunes while playing an accordion. His show really wasn't for kids, although we could enjoy it on some level. His pace was slower than other children's programs, and much of the humor was over our heads. But he was still likable. And, unlike all the other local shows for kids, Stan was 100% Puget Sound. His show was definitely one that couldn't have been produced anywhere else, except for maybe Minnesota (ironic, since that is where J.P. Patches migrated from). One thing that really hit me after watching this video was how young he really was back then, when we thought he was an old guy. In this compilation we see No Mo the dog, the Old Timer in the Closet (it had a literal meaning in those days), Foghorn Peterson, the Swedish Answerman, and, unfortunately, Sam Samoto (not one of Stan's better moments in ethnic humor). Lots of music and animals-- including a caiman!!! Stan even reviews the book Who's Who at the Zoo by Olympia's own Gordon Newell. A must-see video for anyone interested in the history of local television. We were thrilled when he came to the McCleary Bear Festival a couple times back in the 1960s. Stan was, and still is, a PNW icon.

Rocketeers / directed by John Foster, George Rufle (1932, DVD). One of the better human Tom and Jerry cartoons, although the animation is very primitive. A rocket trip to the Moon fizzles fast and our heroes spend most of the story underwater, dealing with weird creatures, skeletons, and mermaids. Fun.

Vincent & Theo / directed by Robert Altman (1990, VHS). Tim Roth, Paul Rhys. I'm sorry, am I supposed to like this? How can anyone take a fascinating figure like Vincent Van Gogh and make him so boring? It is dawning on me, slowly, that I am not sophisticated enough to be in the Robert Altman Appreciation Society. The dialogue consisted of mostly mumbling or shouting. The soundtrack, which appeared to be switched from another movie, was inappropriate and frequently overshadowed the actors' lines. Unlike Altman's other ensemble pieces such as Nashville, Kansas City, Gosford Park, or the incredibly boring The Company, this film is really focused on two people. The director still treated the story as if he had to leave lots of room for others to walk in and liven up the joint. But they don't. I will give Altman this: as usual his visual sense is wonderful, particularly in color and lighting. He managed to make the film look like Van Gogh himself had a hand in the cinematography. Basically this motion picture quickly became background noise as I camped out in the living room to pay my bills and engage in other household paperwork. I'll sum this title up in one word: Zzzzzzzzzzzzz.

The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle. Vol. 3 (1990, VHS). voices by Bill Scott, June Foray, Paul Frees, Hans Conried, Charles Ruggles, Edward Everett Horton, William Conrad, Daws Butler. The videos and DVDs reviewed in Cheaper by the Dozen are selected at random, which is why it is sort of spooky the container of this Rocky and Bullwinkle collection pictures "Vincent Van Moose" (complete with bandaged antler) right after the Vincent & Theo entry. But unlike the previously listed title, this one is good. The Moose and Squirrel didn't have a long run originally, but they made a big impression. The cheap, almost abstract animation was compensated for by the excellent writing, liberal use of puns, and very talented cast of voices. Like the best of children's programming, the scripts were presented on two levels so adults could get some of the in-jokes while still connecting with us little radar eared crewcut Boomers. This compilation includes Mr. Know-It-All, those Cold War villains Boris Badenov and Natasha Fatale, Fearless Leader, Capt. Peachfuzz, Dudley Do-Right, Snidely Whiplash (I love that name), and Aesop and Son. Also an episode of Fractured Fairy Tales. This one should wake up a lot of memories for you old folks, and introduce one of the great cartoons of all time to a new generation.

The Scared Crows / directed by Dave Fleischer (1939, DVD). Mae Questel (voice). We see a more streamlined Betty Boop. She's less cartoony, taller, thinner, with a head that is in normal proportion to her body. In spite of this modernization, she still wears high heels while working in the garden. Most of this cartoon is spent with Betty and her dog Pudgy battling a bunch of crows that look like they took the day off from being mascots for the old Yard Birds store. Unlike Van Gogh, Betty and Pudgy refuse to surrender to their surrounding reign of chaos and despair. Nice work.

City Slickers / directed by Ron Underwood (1991, VHS). Billy Crystal, Daniel Stern, Bruno Kirby, Patricia Wettig, Helen Slater, Jack Palance, Tracey Walter, Josh Mostel, David Paymer, Bill Henderson, Phill Lewis, Yeardley Smith, Jake Gyllenhaal, Jayne Meadows (voice). This film has an odd OlyBlog association for me. The cassette was originally presented as gift, back when the title was fairly new, from none other than V-ster, a name you pioneer OlyBloggers might recognize. In many ways she was the one who, through her connections, indirectly got me hooked me up with this here crazy online Oly hyperlocal concept cooked up by Rick "Caiman Master" McKinnon. Turned out V-ster knew my taste in movies. Although I normally am not a big fan of sentimental comedies, this one is really a winner. Three screwed up urban men in their late 30s are staving off middle age by deliberately seeking adventures like running from the bulls in Spain. The bovine theme continues when they sign up to become weekend cowboys on a vacation cattle drive in the Southwest. But as events unravel, things get too real and they learn their priorities in life the hard way. Sort of like Lonesome Dove. Sort of. Kinda. Hmm. Well, not really. Forget it. But both have lots of cattle and dust. Crystal is the smartass with a heart, Jack Palance is the hardened trail boss who has to herd the city slickers as much as he does the cattle. Their combined and reflected comic timing is beautiful. In fact, Palance even won a well-deserved Oscar for Supporting Actor here. I had not seen this motion picture in a long while, but it still had me laughing out loud many times over, although the laughs came from a different place this time. During my first round with this work, I found myself connecting with Crystal, the family man hitting midlife very hard but putting up a brave, and very humorous, front. This time I was seeing the story through the eyes of Palance, the grizzled old guy, "You city folk, you worry about a lot of shit, don'tcha?" Josh Mostel's and Crystal's ice cream dessert Old West showdown is one of those great classic Western movie moments. Bruno Kirby and Daniel Stern as the other 2/3rds of the City Slickers trio complete the perfect casting in this story. Larry Fine always said comedy works best in threes. This film helps to build his case.

"Saboteurs From Space" (Flash Gordon) / directed by Wallace Worsley Jr. (1955, DVD). Steve Holland, Irene Champlin, Joseph Nash. Primitive special effects, slow pace, German extras with accents so thick they can be barely understood. This is some serious, and slightly off center, Camp with a very jarring start and finish. Flash and his pals battle "The Most Diabolic Intellect in the Universe," as the Bad Guy shuts down Earth's infrastructure as a method of blackmail in order to gain the best scientific minds as recruits to his cause (whatever the heck that might be). Of course, only the fists of Flash can solve the problem. The fowl from the order of Psittaciformes that inexplicably inhabits Flash Gordon's rocketship keeps repeating "Don't crash, Flash! Don't crash, Flash!" That bird is the best actor in the cast. No need to watch this one twice for the "deeper meaning."

Hollywoodland / directed by Allen Coulter (2006, DVD). Adrien Brody, Diane Lane, Ben Affleck, Bob Hoskins, Robin Tunney, Lois Smith, Jeffrey DeMunn. This is a very good film about a dead superhero saving the life of a cheap private investigator. The alleged 1959 suicide of actor George Reeves is the center of this mystery based in L.A. For those not in the know, Reeves was TV's Superman in the 1950s. We kids who soaked the show up like a sponge had all bought the urban legend Reeves died as the result of jumping off a building while under the delusion he could really fly like the Man of Steel. I was an adult before I learned he was found dead with a single shot to the head. But as popular as the Superman show was, I think we Boomers sensed Reeves wasn't really into it. There was a distance there. Unlike true believer Clayton Moore, who played the Lone Ranger, Reeves' Superman had a sad undercurrent-- we could tell he didn't want to be there. This motion picture packs in a lot of Big Themes: the price of fame, ambition, the world of cinematic illusion, abandonment, parenthood, secret lives, being a victim of typecasting. Two sets of parallels are taking place here. First, the secret life of Reeves himself compared to that of Clark Kent=Superman. George was a probable alcoholic, a kept man, a party guy. All of this swept under the rug. The defender of "Truth, Justice, and the American Way" had to be squeaky clean. Like Superman, Reeves had a secret identity. Interesting the director chose to show George in his later private life wearing Kent-type glasses. Second, the P.I. looking into Reeves' death finds himself identifying with the focal point of his query and uses the information he gathers to make an important personal decision. The two main characters in the story (Brody and Affleck) are only on the screen at the same time once-- and one of them is a corpse! Brody has one of those faces just born for the big screen in the style of those classic stars from the 1930s. Lois Smith, Diane Lane, and Ben Affleck were exceptional in their roles. This was Coulter's first feature film as a director, although he has extensive TV experience. I must say his sense of visual composition and choice of soundtrack was wonderful. Freeze frame this baby at any point and you'll see an image that has been carefully thought out and composed. I hope Coulter makes more movies. This guy has the gift for direction.

Kids in the Hall. Season 2, episode 2 (1990, DVD). Dave Foley, Kevin McDonald, Bruce McCulloch, Mark McKinney, Scott Thompson. Cops- O Canada, Trappers, Cabbage Head meets old friends, You're fired!, The loner, Simon and Hecubus, Buddy the baseball coach. This crew must really have a strong dislike for corporate types, as their spot on humor is pretty deadly.  One of McDonald's best characters, Simon, shows up here.