12 mini-reviews for the short attention span, taken from the dark corners of stevenl's video vault:

Nothing But Trouble / directed by Dan Aykroyd (1991, VHS). Chevy Chase, Dan Aykroyd, John Candy, Demi Moore, Valri Bromfield, Taylor Negron, Brian Doyle-Murray, Tupac Shakur. It is always sad to see so many talented people in such a bad film. The story of city slickers caught in the rustic horror of a rural New Jersey one-man principality court system deservedly earned six, count them, six Razzie nominations. Aykroyd actually won the Razzie for Worst Supporting Actor. John Candy, who played multiple roles, was nominated for Worst Supporting Actress for his in-drag portrayal of "Eldona." That cracks me up. Oddly, although the motion picture was generally awful, Chevy Chase's comic timing was pretty good. Candy was also great as a straight man in his local cop role. Another positive I can manage to eke out is the fact this is as visually packed with bizarre stuff as visiting some wacky restaurant with all sorts of crap hanging on the walls and off the ceiling. The food might not be all that good, but you hardly notice since you're distracted by all that eccentric decor. Then after you go home you feel ill. This movie is like that.

The Red House / directed by Delmer Daves (1947, VHS). Edward G. Robinson, Lon McCallister, Judith Anderson, Rory Calhoun, Julie London. Whenever I see a a motion picture hailed as a "psychological thriller," I know the odds are very high it will probably be boring. As this one is. Slow and tedious, even the great Edward G. Robinson, who I almost always enjoy watching, can't save it. In very short order, this one becomes incomprehensible, confusing, and fails to connect with the viewer. I found myself using my index fingers to stretch my mouth wide and perform my Robinson imitation, echoing his lines-- much to the consternation of my cats, who fled the room in fear.

The Sixth Sense / directed by M. Night Shyamalan (1999, VHS). Bruce Willis, Haley Joel Osment, Toni Collette, Olivia Williams. One of the best films ever made about ghosts. Shyamalan uses color in a unique way, coating everything in Earth tones and then adding a splash of color to draw attention to some clue, giving the impression we are looking at an Elton Bennett serigraph. In this case, the color is red, like a warning light, letting us know we should be paying attention to some clue. Osment was an outstanding child actor, beautifully balanced between Collette and Willis. I observe that several supporting characters in Shyamalan's films speak with a cadence that seems off-- very eerily like that of the claymation figures in the 1950s Gumby series. Given the fact this movie was billed as part of the horror genre, and Gumby (in spite of being called a "kid's show") was easily one of the most terror-filled programs in the history of television, the connection makes sense.

The Sword of Lancelot / directed by Cornel Wilde (1963, DVD). Cornel Wilde, Jean Wallace, Brian Aherne. Produced and released in the UK under the title: Lancelot and Guinevere. Created in an era when JFK's Camelot was the buzz, Cornel Wilde's portrayal of Sir Lancelot as Queen Guinevere's back door man had more parallels with that particular President than we knew at the time. This corny, clumsy but yet complex movie was the sort of thing Monty Python used as a base for Monty Python and the Holy Grail. This was the kind of film the independent TV stations would run on rainy weekend days, interspersed with commercials from the legendary Ralph Williams. The military scenes, back when political negotiations consisted of whacking at each other with swords and hatchets, were impressive-- almost like watching a documentary. Worth one viewing.

UHF / directed by Jay Levey (1989, VHS). Weird Al Yankovic, Victoria Jackson, Kevin McCarthy, Michael Richards, David Bowe, Stanley Brock, Trinidad Silva, Billy Barty, Fran Drescher, David Proval, Dr. Demento. Using the comic sensibility he no doubt learned from years of reading Mad, Weird Al lampoons television and movie icons of the 1980s in an updated Walter Mitty way. Sure, it's lowbrow and the motion picture got bad reviews from the hoit-de-la-toits. I laughed my ass off anyway. "Ha Ha Ha!" Clunk! Weird Al is as subversive as Matt Groening. Both of these artists have the gift of being able to mock mainstream media while being part of it. And they don't let us down. So I say long live Weird Al and Matt. Michael Richards is hokey but very funny as Stanley Spadowski, the custodian turned kid's show host. Fans of SCTV will recognize how Weird Al appropriated some of that program's concepts, especially Joe Flaherty's brand of humor-- a big tribute, actually. This movie was really a series of short skits, just like TV. Still great two decades later. Weird Al has funny in his blood.

The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle. Vol. 4 (1990, VHS). voices by Bill Scott, June Foray, Paul Frees, Hans Conried, Edward Everett Horton, William Conrad, Walter Tetley. This one features Rocky and Bullwinkle, Boris and Natasha, Mr. Peabody and Sherman, Dudley Do-Right and Snidely Whiplash. Everything appears to work in pairs here. In reviewing these old cartoons I am starting to see where I developed my love of puns. Something about this video collection didn't seem right and then I realized it was due to fact it is in color. In the early 1960s, when this series first aired, most of us didn't have color TV. It was considered a big luxury. It took me awhile to figure out what was different about the video release. For us true original viewers, I'd suggest marketing a black and white copy.

Casablanca / directed by Michael Curtiz (1942, VHS). Humphrey Bogart, Ingrid Bergman, Paul Henreid, Claude Rains, Conrad Veidt, Sydney Greenstreet, Peter Lorre, S.Z. Sakall, Dooley Wilson, Dan Seymour (uncredited), Hans Heinrich von Twardowski (uncredited). A romantic WWII propaganda pic made during a time when Americans still liked the French (who have the world's best national anthem!-- a feature which has an important part in the story) and still cared about fighting fascism. Quite simply, this is one of the greatest American films ever made, although it is actually a very international effort. Bogart as the chess-playing, gin-joint operator acts as the hub and personality to be converted from self-interest to a cause bigger than himself. But he's just one of many in this presentation of the various types of case studies showcased in a fight against an oppressive regime. But even so the noble and all-too-pure resistance fighter Paul Henreid is still portrayed as a bit of a stick-in-the-mud. We Americans like our antiheroes even in wartime, and Bogart fills the bill. One of the secrets of this movie is the fact that it gives us the perfect mixture of telling the tale on the surface balanced with the audience providing their own interpretation of what took place in the scenes we are not shown. Why did Bogart leave America? How involved did Bogie and Bergman get during the searchlight scene? What exactly happened to Ugarte? etc. etc. I'm not sure what this says about us, but Claude Rains' character-- the opportunistic, mercenary, and ethically-challenged Captain Renault-- is the only one in here who I could see surviving in Century 21. Lots of spoken lines in this thing that are now part of our national culture, so I'd like to highlight a few bits of dazzling dialogue in the motion picture that have been overlooked and probably never covered in a review: "Everything is ready, sir."; "Thank you."; "Right this way."; "Where were you?"; "Let's get out of here."; and, "It has been a pleasure to meet you."

"The Case of the Texas Cowgirl" (Sherlock Holmes) / directed by Steve Previn (1954, DVD). Ronald Howard, Howard Marion-Crawford, Archie Duncan, Lucille Vines. Easily the very worst Sherlock Holmes story I've seen on film. I sure hope we don't portray the British as ignorantly and idiotically as they portray us West U.S. of A. folks as they do here in this short-lived UK TV series, but I'm betting we do. Good thing for Conan-Doyle he was already dead when this dog was produced.

"The Subworld Revenge" (Flash Gordon) / directed by Wallace Worsley Jr. (1955, DVD). Steve Holland, Irene Champlin, Joseph Nash. The 39th and final episode of this short-lived DuMont Network series is apparently some sort of sequel taking place 1500 miles under the surface of the Earth. The villain looks and talks like Hitler, except there is no toothbrush moustache on the guy. All the more interesting since this thing was filmed in West Berlin and all the supporting actors have very thick German accents. This story has the quintessential "Must ... make ... it ... got ... to ... reach ... lever ... to ... save ... us ..." one word at a time dragging along type of dialogue accompanied by appropriate ham. That alone makes this worth watching.

The Hound of the Baskervilles / directed by Paul Morrissey (1978, DVD). Peter Cook, Dudley Moore, Spike Milligan, Josephine Tewson, Prunella Scales, Kenneth Williams, Terry-Thomas, Hugh Griffith, Penelope Keith, Joan Greenwood, Denholm Elliott. Did I say the previously reviewed The Case of the Texas Cowgirl was the worst Sherlock Holmes I've seen on film? Let me amend that and suggest this piece of junk as the new reigning king of Bad Holmes' Films. A comedy with Peter Cook as Holmes and Dudley Moore as a very Scottish Dr. Watson looked promising with a great cast, big budget, lavish sets, scenic and atmospheric location. But what a disappointment! Humorless, tedious, and tasteless. If you think incontinent Chihuahuas are funny (a running joke in this movie, if you'll excuse the pun), then by all means look this one up. Otherwise, if you want a really first class Holmes spoof I'd suggest Without a Clue (1988) with Michael Caine, Ben Kingsley, and yes, Peter Cook.

Rabbit Transit / directed by Friz Freleng (1947, DVD). Mel Blanc (voice). The final entry in the Warner Bros. Tortoise and the Hare trilogy featuring Bugs Bunny and Cecil Turtle. Once again the Turtle makes a chump out of the Bunny. I'm not sure I like these cartoons where Bugs gets bested. It ain't right.

The Sting / directed by George Roy Hill (1973, VHS). Paul Newman, Robert Redford, Robert Shaw, Charles Durning, Ray Walston, Eileen Brennan, Harold Gould. An ancestor of Jackie Brown and Matchstick Men. Set in the 1936, a group of independent con artists band together to bring down a mob boss who was responsible for killing one of their friends. Filled with illusion and social engineering, this story was an accurate reflection of the way Americans were viewing our political, economic, and religious systems in 1973. Small wonder it was a box office hit. The plot is complicated, but the characters are simple. Redford is the main thread, undisciplined and running hot for payback, while the older Newman acts as the grizzled mentor and steadying influence, "Revenge is for suckers." Unlike many other major American films, romance is kept at a minimum, collaboration is portrayed as a better option than independence, and the heroes never really have to struggle to overcome a huge major obstacle. The wild card here is crooked cop Durning, who pops into the story when least expected and helps drive many of the twists and turns. Shaw is surprisingly chilling as the psychopathic mark, and easy to villify. Director Hill used the music of Scott Joplin in the soundtrack and made him a household name. Oddly, Joplin's tunes really belonged in an earlier era, but it worked anyway. Hill also romanticized the Depression setting by giving the color a sort of warm glow, almost as if "nostalgia" was a color in itself. In addition, he used Saturday Evening Post style illustrations to divide the story into orderly and sequential chapters, emphasizing the workmanlike attitude of the con artists-- at times I wondered if I was watching a distance learning video on how to play con games. I wonder if the "black 22 in roulette" scene was a reference to the previously reviewed Casablanca? 1973 was 37 years after 1936. 2010 is 37 years after 1973. Is it my imagination, or was there more social change and growth in that first 37-year half (1936-1973) than the second (1973-2010)?