How to Operate Your Caiman

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How to Operate Your Caiman

Submitted by Sarah on Tue, 12/27/2005 - 9:48pm.

It is to our credit that the animal most mentioned here is both our mascot and our scapegoat. This is testament to our fair and balanced view.

I speak of caimans, of course. As a New Year draws near, I propose a ceremony to be added to our evolving OlyBlog mythos.

Before midnight 12/31/2005, locate a caiman. Be cautious, they are foul and clever beasts. False promises of cute puppies and chubby toddlers may lure one forth. Once your choice caiman is located, shout (or whimper) all your 2005 frustrations at it. List your complaints and irritants. Make sure you are purged of all such discontent, then drive the caiman from town.

Imagine how cleansed Olympia will be if we all take part in this simple scape-caiman ceremony. We will then step smiling into 2006, lighter and less cranky.

#54

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"Make sure you are purged of

Submitted by stevenl on Wed, 12/28/2005 - 6:37am.

"Make sure you are purged of all such discontent, then drive the caiman from town."

I tried this last year, but that darn caiman insisted on sitting directly on the upholstery cloth, and I never did succeed in getting that caiman smell out of my car. Then, that rascal slapped me one alongside my head and when I awoke I was locked in my trunk. He had picked up even more caimans and brought them back to Oly.

He abandoned my Olds in front of the Legislative Building, where a group of demonstrating poultry farmers from Lewis County let me out and were appropriately horrified when I related the details of my adventure. But when they found out I was a graduate of Evergreen, they threw me back in the trunk!

So, that might explain why I was so cranky during 2005.

#31

Prior FFC (Freedom From Caima

Submitted by Sarah on Wed, 12/28/2005 - 11:26am.

Prior FFC (Freedom From Caimans) manuals mistakenly omitted some vital information, namely that the driving out of said foul beasts should never involve the use of motorized vehicles. Our mistake. Caimans are invigorated by the scent of gasoline.

Our new updated manual clearly states that any driving out of is best done with pitchforks, poking sticks, whips, and chairs. Also the newest information from our labs clarifies that the ideal way to rid caiman stench from upholstery is through liberal use of tomato juice and expensive champagne. Vigorous shaking of bottles of expensive champagne also serves to entrance caiman and render them docile.

Be that as it may, our gaze must turn now towards 2006. Lessons learned and embarrassment suffered in 2005 enriches our evolving body of research in anti-caiman endeavors.

New evidence from unnamed undercover sources is that donning Hello Kitty pajamas and reading out loud from the book "Getting Things Done" by David Allen may be the best new technique in our squelch caiman arsenal.

#54

I think I'd rather repeat the

Submitted by stevenl on Thu, 12/29/2005 - 6:44am.

I think I'd rather repeat the experience I had last year with those pesky caimans than suffer the worse humiliation of wearing "Hello Kitty" pajamas. I guess I'll try the pitchfork method this round.

Hey, if a permit is required to own a caiman in Olympia, where would those documents be filed? Any chance we could discover how many legal caimans there are in Oly?

#31

I'm looking through what info

Submitted by Sarah on Fri, 12/30/2005 - 8:33am.

I'm looking through what info I can find about local ownership of exotic animals in Olympia, so far I don't think that an Oly permit is required to legally own a caiman.

Washington state does not require people owning exotics to have a permit (as of 10/2004 report), city and county regulate ownership. People who bring exotics into the state have to get a health certificate from a vet and present it to the Department of Agriculture. And the acquisition of the exotic has to be all legal also.

For both Olympia and Thurston:

M. Exotic Animals. Owners of constrictor type reptiles over eight foot in length, venomous reptiles, and primates are required to annually register such animals with Animal Services by completing a form provided by Animal Services. Failure to register such animals shall be a misdemeanor.

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"Make sure you are purged of

Prior FFC (Freedom From Caima

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