On Oly Personal Shit 03/18/2007

Hi, guys!

Please preserve my anonymity. But I need advice. Okay, here's the situation:

I have a really nice boyfriend. We have been going out for two years. He's divorced, and I have never been married, although I lived with someone for a while. He and I don't live together, but we have an exclusive relationship, and maybe we'll move in together at some point. But right now we have a problem. See, he had a vasectomy back when he was married. That's okay, because I don't want kids. And it's great not having to fuss with birth control! STDs aren't a concern, since we're both uninfected, and we don't have sex with other people. But I always carry condoms with me in my purse; I have been doing this since before I was even sexually active. My boyfriend has a problem with this. He says that since we don't need to use them, and we have an exclusive relationship, I shouldn't need condoms, and the fact that I always carry them around signifies a lack of commitment to our exclusivity agreement. I totally disagree with this. I just think it's smart to have condoms available, just in case. Also, my friends know that I am always supplied, and sometimes I have ended up giving condoms to other people -- who knows, I may have prevented an STD or an unwanted pregnancy!

He says that this longtime habit of mine is undermining his trust in me. I have never broken our exclusivity arrangement and don't intend to. I think I am trustworthy. Do you think he is being unreasonable, or should I toss the condoms?

Signed,

Trojan Source



Trojan Source:

You are right; you should carry condoms if you want, and it ought not reflect on your trustworthiness.  For some reason this is a problem for your partner and this is too bad because it sounds like it has benefited others.  But, he does have a problem with this behavior, and if one person in a relationship has a problem, it’s a community problem.  So, you’re right, but what is that worth?  This issue is probably not worth damaging your relationship over, but that is ultimately for you to decide.  Unless this issue emerged within a pattern of manipulation or trust is a reoccurring theme in your relationship, you should concede.

 “A wise [person] thinks it more advantageous not to join the battle than to win.”   -  François de la Rochefoucauld


I seek romance.  Now, after a lack of interests, suddenly there are multiple interests.
The current plan is to go with the flow and play it by ear, being especially careful not to rush anything.  Of course, I am impatient somewhat, due to the dry spell.  Please advise.

Until Ruin:

Scenario 1: You are impatient for a meaningful relationship. 

Whoa there.  Curb your impatience by dating the scene.  It’s okay to date multiple people. 

Scenario 2: You are impatient to get “romance.” 

It’s too bad Trojan Source might be going out of business. 

We think you should enjoy yourself and try really hard not to lie to anyone involved.

"The Constitution only gives people the right to pursue happiness. You have to catch it yourself."   - Benjamin Franklin



How can we defeat the monster of corporate fascism and facilitate the evolution of a sustainable and lasting - sensible - society?  Thanks.
Okay, I am off to bed.

Rob


Rob:

External pressures may do the job for you (natural disasters, currency collapse, 2012, etc.)  Otherwise, individual devotion toward your desired change is the only way to increase the odds.  This includes being open and honest about your vision (read: speak with everyone about it).  Yes, some people will be put off (name calling is their typical m.o.), but you’ll separate the wheat from the chaff much more quickly and find yourself a part of a growing community working toward Commons.


“If capitalism is fair then unionism must be. If men have a right to capitalize their ideas and the resources of their country, then that implies the right of men to capitalize their labor.”   - Frank Lloyd Wright


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