OOPS advice 04/01/2007

I am dating a single dad, who is a really great guy.  He is one of the nicest guys I've ever dated, and I can't tell you how much I appreciate that.  He never gets mad, never throws tantrums, never calls me names, grabs my friends' asses, or demand I get up and get him a beer while he's watching football on TV.   He's so damned nice, in fact, that the niceness is a bit of a problem.  I don't mind when all this bountiful niceness is directed at ME.... but he's just too darned nice to his kid.  The kid needs to be told NO sometimes in no uncertain terms, and Dad is just too darned nice.  If the kid doesn't get his way, he'll throw a tantrum, and his father will spend an hour talking it out with him before they reach a compromise solution, when really, a simple "No," would suffice.  True, I like all this sensitivity to feelings when it's directed at me, but a lot of times all these impromptu crisis management sessions have ruined our evening plans.  At times, I suspect the kid raises an issue at the worst possible moment just to wreck our evening. 

I must sound a little hard-hearted, but really I'm not.  I'm a parent myself, and I know that my dates have had to accommodate the demands placed on me by my children.  But if one of my kids starts to act up when I'm about to head off for a movie or a show, I tell them we'll have to talk about it later. 

Should I say something to Mr. Nice Guy, or just suffer in silence?

Signed,

Ms. Not-So-Nice

 

Ms. Not-So-Nice

Suffering is over rated.  As fellow parents we’ve come to the conclusion that, like our kids, parenting methods share similarities yet retain distinct streaks of individualism.  If there is something in your relationship that bothers you, by all means talk to your partner about it; silence is resentment’s catalyst.  However, as a parent, you know it’s a package deal and you’re dating the kid as well.

Depending upon the child’s age we think that you’re probably right; it is likely that he is trying to retain his father’s attention through these behaviors.  We suggest that you engage the kid in conversation—just the two of you.  And possibly schedule a date for the three of you involving making homemade stovetop popcorn and watching a video which you all chose together.


"Communication leads to community, that is, to understanding, intimacy and mutual valuing."
                        - Rollo May

 

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Hi, it's just that I'm the kind of guy who will never settle down, I'm never in one place, I go from town to town, and this makes relationships hard. I never figured out who wrote the book of love, was it someone from high above? Because I'm in heartbreak hotel, at the end of lonely street, and I can't get no satisfaction. I've got a feeling for the blues, dear lord, since my baby said goodbye, and I don't know what to do, all I do is sit and sigh. I'm having a hard time with it. I guess I should justify my love, though, and unfortunately we are living in a material world.

So what I'm really asking is this: I want to know what love is, I want you to tell me.

Sincerely,

John


Dear John:

What is love? What is right?  What is wrong?
Love is lube.
Love is stronger than pride.
Love is all.
Love is more than words.
Love is a stop sign on the freeway.
Love is cheesy lyrics and thousand year old poems.
Love is blind, patient, a battlefield, mean, all around, surprising, illusion, a thunder storm, a rainbow, kung-fu grip and a cowboy’s sad, sad song.
Love is the prize winner of Defiance, Ohio.
Love has no value.
Love is a crazy game.
Love’s a mystery.
Love is 42.

"I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."
                         - Harry

 

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