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Submitted by stevenl on Fri, 10/26/2007 - 7:05pm.

There. I said it. Out loud. I'll say it again just to show I am not afraid.

"The orange penguin ate the United States Constitution."

Yes, of course there will be severe consequences for saying this in print. But I've now hit the point where the truth must be told. The orange penguin ate it when no one was looking, since it hasn't really been used in awhile and everyone seemed to be ignoring it. Remember, don't kill the one who delivers the message. I'm just sayin'.

Oh. And that Constitution that tourists see in Washington DC? Not the real thing. It's a 1969 American Opinion Bookstore replica. When it all hits the fan in mainstream press, remember you read it here first, kids.

And if you see any orange penguins, just back away. They are not very nice.

»

Uh huh

And how are those caimans doing?
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Hmmm

So what is more terrifying for you? Caimans swimming around the Fetid Lake of Doom (aka Capitol Lake) or orange penguins consuming the legal backbone of our nation? Tough choice, I know.

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Gnawing doubt

Easy enough to report on orange penguins rather than face the true horror of what you did.

Although maybe you can redeem yourself by sending the cursed caimans after these flightless bird brains.

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Nice try

A very common attempt to undermine a valid concern is to bring up some red herring like those enormous human-consuming reptiles and then blame it on some innocent average well-intentioned sandy-haired guy just minding his own business like a norm (not Norm, but a norm) who really didn't mean any harm and CAN'T YOU JUST DROP IT AND LEAVE ME ALONE!?!? Must I cover myself in ash and then crawl in the middle of 4th Ave. to atone for my little "mistake"? Meanwhile, my warning about the United States Constitution becomes almost forgotten. Oh, I have become the Cassandra of OlyBlog.

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Ash

No, don't do that, you would be busted for interfering with traffic. And then you would rest on your laurels in a cushy jail while the rest of us have to suffer untold horrors at the hands of fedora wearing caimans. (Oh by the way, OG ate the penguin.)
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really??

George Bush is really an orange penguin?
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Ah, but *I* just ate the

Ah, but *I* just ate the orange penguin and am currently sitting here picking my teeth with his bones! 

*I am that person who doesn't throw out rotting things because they're scary and who kills wasps by spraying things on them and screaming.*

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eww

that's gonna turn on you
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Don't poke the penguin

Don't do it

Oh and why did the penguin cross the road?

To go with the floe.

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