It's been a year now since our ill-fated trip to the Sasquatch Festival at the Gorge.

I once had a dream of seeing Bjork live in concert. I wrote it on my life list along with Visit Pyramids and Walk on Coals.

Trish had a sudden influx of cash flow and asked if wanted to go. I got very excited. Not only was Bjork headlining but also playing that day would be The Blow and Mirah. Since I was still putting together the music for Dance O' Dance I investigated all the other bands and downloaded tracks by The Arcade Fire, Ghostland Observatory, M.I.A., the Hold Steady, and Electrelane. I was such a indie hipster.

Although it was an all ages show we asked if Oma Barbara would watch Orion, but she had a wine-tasting to attend. He hadn't done any overnights away from us, so we decided to bring him along. Big Mistake.

After driving all day... We were stuck for hours and hours behind a three car fatal collision... we stopped at the last outpost of civilization for supplies and let Orion eat a corn dog and chocolate ice cream. Bigger Mistake.

By the time we set up camp and arrived at the venue we had missed Mirah and the Blow. M.I.A. had to cancel due to visa troubles. We staked out a spot on the hill and saw the Long Winters, but then Orion started to complain of stomach pains. Trish took him to the bathroom and got water... then eventually the medical tent... then eventually decided she would take him to the tent and come back for me after Bjork, making the ultimate sacrifice for her child.

Since she volunteered, I agreed. Biggest Mistake.  She called me by the time she'd reached the gate. He had vomited twice and professional advice (Sasquatch staff) was to take him to the hospital.

I arrived at the gate to find an ambulance. Trish told me to get the car. It took me twenty minutes to find it and bring it around. Security made sure to let me know, "There's no readmittance." I know, I know.

The nearest hospital was 12 miles away. By the time we got there Orion was asleep.

I asked, "Well, do you want to wake him up so they can poke him and make him cry?"

Trish decided to call his regular physician... and our naturopath...

I called my mom.

Regular physician: Get him checked out. He might need antibiotics, an IV, etc. etc.

Naturopath: Check into a hotel in case you need to nebulize and get some homeopathic remedies.

Mom: too much carnival food, he'll probably be fine.

We quietly left the ER parking lot and drove through town. Everywhere we looked the signs said NO VACANCY. Of course they did. 50,000 people had come to town. We could try to pack up the tent and drive to Ellensburg, but he'd certainly wake up and there'd be no guarantee of a room there either. We might wind up driving all the way home. Instead I suggest that we all try to get some rest and leave first thing in the morning.

Trish agrees.  We do stop by the gates of the show to see if we can still hear Bjork.  No such luck.

Then we can't seem to find the tent in the dark. Because we're not at a typical campsite. We're... "over hill over dale we have hit the dusty trail as the caissons go rolling along"... and we decide to abandon the car and search for the tent on foot.  Of course we found it not too far from the car and moved the car.

At sun-up we packed in a flash and headed for home.  We stopped for breakfast in Ellensburg and visited the historic art house, Dick and Jane's Spot which I'd visited several times before during AmeriCorps retreats.  In fact, Ellensburg has pleasant memories of shopping for the semi-precious Ellensburg Blue Agates, jamming with Log Hog, getting a Pi tattoo on 3/14 (Pi Day), and camping under the Perseid Meteor showers after Jane Galaxy's wedding.

My parents bought tickets to Bjork and all I got was bicycle reflectors.

Then we drove on, and Orion fell asleep again.  I took the opportunity to leave the main road and pay a visit to another popular tourist destination I'd always skipped, the town of Roslyn, where parts of Northern Exposure were filmed.  Which is pertinent because we've been watching 'Northern Explosure' (as Orion calls it) thanks to our Netflix subscription.

Can you tell we've been crying?

But I've been holding a grudge against Bjork for a year, and all those hipsters who actually knew better about how to see a show.  Like Chris Browning who first said, "It was like museum grade ART!"  And Andras Jones who said, "It was like a pop fascist rally."

And whoever mentioned the LASERS!  Way to rub it in!  But now I've got my own military-grade GREEN LASER, so there.