12 mini-reviews for the short attention span, taken from the dark corners of stevenl's video vault:

Nothing But Trouble / directed by Dan Aykroyd (1991, VHS). Chevy Chase, Dan Aykroyd, John Candy, Demi Moore, Valri Bromfield, Taylor Negron, Brian Doyle-Murray, Tupac Shakur. It is always sad to see so many talented people in such a bad film. The story of city slickers caught in the rustic horror of a rural New Jersey one-man principality court system deservedly earned six, count them, six Razzie nominations. Aykroyd actually won the Razzie for Worst Supporting Actor. John Candy, who played multiple roles, was nominated for Worst Supporting Actress for his in-drag portrayal of "Eldona." That cracks me up. Oddly, although the motion picture was generally awful, Chevy Chase's comic timing was pretty good. Candy was also great as a straight man in his local cop role. Another positive I can manage to eke out is the fact this is as visually packed with bizarre stuff as visiting some wacky restaurant with all sorts of crap hanging on the walls and off the ceiling. The food might not be all that good, but you hardly notice since you're distracted by all that eccentric decor. Then after you go home you feel ill. This movie is like that.

12 mini-reviews for the short attention span, taken from the dark corners of stevenl's video vault:

12 mini-reviews for the short attention span, taken from the dark corners of stevenl's video vault:

My Dear Secretary / directed by Charles Martin (1949, DVD). Laraine Day, Kirk Douglas, Keenan Wynn, Rudy Vallee, Florence Bates, Alan Mowbray, Irene Ryan, Grady Sutton, Ben Welden (uncredited). This is a screwball comedy at half speed, with some very strange casting choices. Douglas is a best-selling novelist who avoids his writer's block by feeding a gambling addiction and romancing whoever happens to be his secretary that week. Laraine Day is the secretary who derails his pattern. Neither one of these otherwise fine thespians really have the snap in their patter, the gift of double-take, or the cadence of comedy in their presentation. As a consequence, the small army of familiar character actors pick up the slack and salvage vast portions of the story. Keenan Wynn as the amoral opportunistic sidekick reveals he has a strong comic streak, but I kept wishing the role had gone to Vincent Price, who he seems to be imitating. Lots of messages about men = chaos, women = order. The feminist moments in this movie took me by surprise, making me wonder (considering the era and setting) if this was by accident or just my 21st century serious interpretation of something considered humorous in 1949. Watch this as a double feature with Wonder Boys (2000) starring Kirk's son Michael as a best-selling novelist who avoids writer's block by feeding a marijuana addiction.

12 mini-reviews for the short attention span, taken from the dark corners of stevenl's video vault:

The Little Lost Pony / directed by Art Clokey (1957, VHS). Art Clokey (voice). StevenL is flat on his back, electric sweat exuding from every pore, staring up at the textured ceiling with eyes wide, gasping out, "The Horror! The Horror!" We see Gumby in the role of a child. We see Gumby's mother, the Blockheads, Farmer Glen, and learn the "origin" of Gumby's pony pal Pokey-- a match made in Hell. At one point Gumby earns "X"s for eyes as he overconsumes ice cream, and Pokey has one of the most disturbing laughs I have heard recorded on film. I can't help but notice the video versions I find online have had the audio remastered so the dialogue is not nearly as haunting and soul-rending as the original (my copy is from a 1987 VHS videocassette produced by the wolf-in-sheep's-clothing company named "Family Home Entertainment"). Although Pokey supposedly has escaped from an innocent book about farm animals, if you remove the dust jacket you'll find it was a disguise for hiding the content of the real monograph underneath-- The Necronomicon! The gentleman who gave me this video when it was new is someone I have known since 1958 (a year after this episode was created) when we were innocent little kids. Today he is a highly placed and respected member of Olympia's legal community. Sometimes I wonder if he got to where he is by selling his soul to these clay demons. Chilling.

12 mini-reviews for the short attention span, taken from the dark corners of stevenl's video vault:

"The War Against Pornography" (Monty Python's Flying Circus ; v. 15, episode 32) / directed by Ian MacNaughton (1972, VHS). Graham Chapman, John Cleese, Terry Gilliam, Eric Idle, Terry Jones, Michael Palin. Tory Tours, The war against pornography, Mr. Gumby sees Dr. Gumby and declares "My brain hurts!", Gumby surgery room, Gilliam uses Adlai Stevenson's face in a collage cartoon, Documentary on molluscs, Gilliam uses John L. Lewis' face in a collage cartoon, Today in Parliament, The Tuesday documentary, The Children's story, Party political broadcast, Match of the day, Politicians: an apology, The hip Navy interviewed by a morphing pirate, Royal Navy-- something other than else, The lake in the basement, Mr. Badger is interviewed. A good, classic entry into the Python series. This one includes one of my all-time favorite Python lines, this time delivered by a very officious Navy man (Graham Chapman): "And may I take this opportunity in emphasizing that there is no cannibalism in the British Navy. Absolutely none. And when I say 'None' I mean there is a certain amount." It crosses my mind that Gilliam, the only American born member of Python, frequently employs faces taken from figures in United States history as sources for his cartoon collage animations, especially unsuccesful Vice-Presidential candidate John Alexander Logan (1826-1886). As it so happens, unsuccessful Vice-Presidential candidates used to be an interest of mine. I even published a book about them over two decades ago. But that's in the sordid past. So let's move on.

12 mini-reviews for the short attention span, taken from the dark corners of stevenl's video vault:

Dimension One Spas UltraLife Series Video Owner's Manual (1997, VHS). Produced by Imageworks in San Diego, this 20 minute video acts as a supplement to the printed manual. Workmanlike and plain, it outlines the basics in hottub ownership: Delivery, Start-Up, Operation, Care and Maintenance, Safety. Many of the pointers could be applied to makes other than UltraLife. I particularly enjoyed the part where the narrator precautioned consumers against soaking in the water alongside your pet porcupine. Ha ha. Just kidding. My hottub had a good decade-long run, but then became such a pain to maintain I just gave up. It hasn't been turned on in over a year and I'm still trying to figure out what to do with the unit. Suggestions for what to do with a dead hottub are welcome. Here's a special offer by stevenl! I'll give away this video for free, but you have to take the hottub with it. While I am it, I have a free couch/bed too!

12 mini-reviews for the short attention span, taken from the dark corners of stevenl's video vault:

Siege of Boonesborough / directed by Art Clokey (1957, VHS). Art Clokey (voice). The horror! The horror! Amazingly, this Gumby and Pokey claymation actually has a premise based on some historical fact. Daniel Boone was indeed captured by the Shawnee, lived with the tribe for awhile, and then escaped. He returned to Boonesborough in time to help defend the settlement against attack. But that's about as close as this gets to real history. In this presentation, a giant talking green piece of clay uses psychological warfare to trick the Indians into thinking Boonesborough was more heavily fortified than it really was. "You don't have to fight if you know the right trick to peace," Gumby victoriously proclaims at the end after outsmarting those simple Natives. Writing as one who has both Shawnee blood and ancestors who were Boone's contemporaries in those hills, I see there are enough stereotypes here to offend everybody. There is something about the cadence of their speech, in this and other Gumby episodes, that has a tentative and  anxiety-producing quality.

Pencil Mania / directed by John Foster, Vernon Stallings (1932, DVD). The human Tom and Jerry star in an animation that turns back on itself. A great example of the cartoon as almost pure form with bare content. Lots of music including a very bizarre version of "Yes We Have No Bananas." This is one case where I would love to see a colorized rendition. If there were more cartoons like this around, the world would have no need for recreational drugs.

12 mini-reviews for the short attention span, taken from the dark corners of stevenl's video vault:

"Jealousy" (I Married Joan) / directed by Ezra Stone (1954, VHS). Joan Davis, Jim Backus, Geraldine Carr, Hal Smith, Philip Van Zandt. Joan plays with fire as she confuses, in that Eisenhower-era way, jealousy for love. Good episode to watch as fodder for an academic program studying monogamy, but almost embarrassing to view as entertainment. Yup, watching an upset and distraught Brad run around the living room with a rifle in his hand is a real laugh riot.

12 mini-reviews for the short attention span, taken from the dark corners of stevenl's video vault:

"Mr. and Mrs. Brian Norris' Ford Popular" (Monty Python's Flying Circus ; v. 13, episode 28) / directed by Ian MacNaughton (1972, VHS). Graham Chapman, John Cleese, Terry Gilliam, Eric Idle, Terry Jones, Michael Palin, Lulu, Ringo Starr. Mr. and Mrs. Brian Norris' Ford Popular, Schoolboys' insurance scam, How To Do It, Pepperpots with adult child, Spontaneous human combustion, Farming Club presents The Life of Peter Ilytch Tschaikowsky, Trim-Jeans Theatre Presents, The wandering mouth, The Fish Slapping Dance, Sinking ship, BBC budget in trouble, Puss in Boots, Lulu and Ringo and the It's Man. Typical Python Dadaism that seemed wild and radical at the time but tame today. However, the Fish Slapping Dance with Palin and Cleese will always, just like Ernie Kovacs' Nairobi Trio, be universally funny for decades to come. To deconstruct it and figure why would ruin the fun.

12 mini-reviews for the short attention span, taken from the dark corners of stevenl's video vault:

Lo chiamavano Trinità = They Call Me Trinity / directed by E.B. Clucher [Enzo Barboni] (1970, VHS). Terence Hill, Bud Spencer, Farley Granger, Ezio Marano. "This was a quiet town before you came-- disgusting town-- but quiet." This Hill/Spencer half-brother teamup differs a little from the earlier Colizzi directed Italian Westerns in that it is more conventional and comic, but no less entertaining. Although they have less than pure motives, the siblings find themselves coming to the aid of Mormon pioneers who are caught between slick land grabbing capitalists and a Mexican bandito gang. With the exception of Ezio Marano's rendition of Weasel, the supporting cast is very weak and filled with Western movie stereotypes that have been Italianized. One hired gunslinger even looks like Monty Python's Michael Palin in a black cowboy outfit and moustache. Oh, I'm sooooo scared. Hill is more playful than in his 1960s Colizzi versions of the Stranger in Town. As Trinity, Hill is fast on the draw, apparently with eyes in the back of his head. Except for Gene Wilder's Waco Kid, Trinity is the fastest ever. See, here's the rule. The more comic the cowboy, the faster the draw. The soundtrack, which I enjoyed very much, is something like Herb Alpert performing music from the old 1960s Prisoner TV series, or like what lounge songs would've sounded like ca. 1870. The humor of rationalization from all parties in this story, plus the Hill (right of the Devil)/Spencer (left hand of God) chemistry, is well worth watching for any Western aficionado.