Thoughts on Communication

Tue, 11/22/2005 - 3:24pm — Sarah

I am by no means a communication expert. I sometimes get lost in discussions and I don't always listen as well as I'd like to. But, I do try.

I'm looking over Principles of Conflict Resolution, what the Navy and others use. The 9 points may look simple but there actually is a lot in them to chew over. I'm going to work on one at a time, and I encourage anyone who wishes to join in however they like.

1.Think Before Reacting
The tendency in a conflict situation is to react immediately. After all, if we do not react we may lose our opportunity. In order to resolve conflict successfully it is important to think before we react--consider the options, weigh the possibilities. The same reaction is not appropriate for every conflict.

Online, it can be so easy and tempting to respond in the heat of the moment. All the needed tools are laid out and our keyboards are on fire. What if we instead take our time, take a few deep breaths, look at something else, maybe even step away slowly from our computers?

Comments

Tue, 11/22/2005 - 8:43pm — OlyCop

I think we are doing fine her

I think we are doing fine here Sarah. Some have more passion than others, but for the most part we are all respectful.

—

"In war there is no substitute for victory" "It is fatal to enter any war without the will to win it" -- General Douglas MacArthur

Tue, 11/22/2005 - 10:45pm — Sarah

Thinking out loud about commu

Thinking out loud about communication is just something I thought I would throw into the mix, helps me focus, and gives us something to chew on if we wish. Also is simply how my blogging mind works. I get contemplative and like to step back when I can, get renewed perspective.

Your feedback that we are doing fine here is valuable, thank you.

Tue, 11/22/2005 - 9:08pm — Rick

I've noticed a fair amount of

I've noticed a fair amount of "gotcha" going on in conversations. I want to understand the things that people care most about. What makes you care about an issue. What are the core values. If we can get down to that level, I believe we'll find a lot more overlap. I wish there were more focus on finding a shared understanding of the issues -- the part that we can agree on -- before focusing on the differences. I think we'd get further in the conversation, and learn more about each other.

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Beware the terrible simplifiers.
Jacob Burckhardt

Tue, 11/22/2005 - 10:40pm — Sarah

I'm hearing some of that "got

I'm hearing some of that "gotcha" too and I'm working to not automatically react to it, or do it.

A point that comes up later is about using "I-messages" instead of "You-messages". I am trying to be aware of that too.

When I hear myself described in negative terms, my motivations etc., it can be easy for me to get stuck there, to feel like I am in a combative place rather than a mutual shared discussion place.

Tue, 11/22/2005 - 11:37pm — Robert Whitlock

I plead guilty. I will work

I plead guilty. I will work on sticking to the issue, and eliminating hyperbolae and exaggerated claims.

That being said, I still feel attacked. I feel that the spirit of discussion I bring to these pages is occasionally interrupted quite rudely.

I recognize that it is my imperative to step back, take a deep breath, and consider an appropriate response (not a reaction), which will disenable "gotcha" behavior and promote useful, constructive dialogue.

But I am an emotional creature, I can't help it. I think I need a good Internet Discussion Boarder Participants Anonymous meeting.

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Tue, 11/22/2005 - 11:40pm — Robert Whitlock

One thing I learned in a non-

One thing I learned in a non-violent communications workshop: sometimes, there just isn't an in-road for meaningful conversation, or discussion. The person with whom I may be seeking to have dialogue, may simply be interested in nothing more than provocative gestures.

And therefore, I should be wary of wasting my time attempting to dialogue with someone who, for all intensive purposes might be unavailable.

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Wed, 11/23/2005 - 10:40am — Sarah

This is an important point fo

This is an important point for me to learn, still working on it.

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